Lean On Me
by CPDFanGirl
Summary: When Voight gives Erin and Jay three days off something horrible happens. In order to move forward they're going to have to learn to lean on each other and the family around them.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hi all, This is a story idea I've had in my head for a while. For timeline sake it is set in season 4 sometime after the Jimmy stuff but before Jay moves out.**

* * *

"Three days off!" Jay and Erin said together in almost a sing song voice. They were drinking at Molly's with some of the team, it had been a long hard few weeks and they were celebrating the forced days off. It had come down from above that Hank needed to make his guys take some time off. Over the next few weeks everybody needed to take three days off in a row. Erin and Jay didn't mind too much, they were physically and mentally worn out, and craving some much needed time alone together.

"Our phones will be off, so don't try to call us," Erin said, her arm wrapped around Jay's back, "we'll see you all in four days."

"Have fun," Adam said, clinking his beer with Jay before gulping the rest of it down.

"Oh we will," Jay smiled, "we'll see all you in a few days."

He turned around with Erin still holding on to him and they walked out the bar and down the road. They were parked a little way from Molly's, one block down, two blocks over. They were in a good mood, more relaxed than they'd been in a long time. They didn't hear the footsteps come up behind them; they thought they were alone until they felt the impact of a Taser hit their backs and the jolt of electricity rip through their bodies. Together they fell to their knees, and then forward onto the pavement. Their eyes locked in on each other as two people dressed all in black with their faces covered came at them from behind, needles were inserted in their necks and something injected inside of them. Everything went black.

…

Jay was jolted awake by the impact of his body hitting cold hard dirt, he rolled several times before coming to a stop. He had no idea where he was or how he'd got there. His head felt full, he couldn't focus on anything, the last thing he remembered was leaving Molly's with Erin. Where was Erin? He reached around in his immediate area, she wasn't there.

"Erin!" He called out hoping by some crazy fluke she was there with him somewhere but all he heard was silence, and then the chirping of crickets. His mouth was dry, his lips were capped, he tried calling out again, "Erin!" but still no response. Where was he? What had happened to him? He pushed himself up on all fours, pain ripped through his body, he felt like he was going to blackout.

He tried to get his bearings, he was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees and dirt, he couldn't see any lights not from buildings, not from cars. He looked down at his hands, they were covered in blood, his whole body was streaked with blood, he couldn't tell if it was all his, deep gashes covered his body, some were still bleeding, others had started to scab. His senses were telling him he was in trouble that something terrible had happened. He needed to get help, he tried to stand, but every tiny movement sent pain ripping through his body. Everything hurt, with effort he got to his feet, on his first step his left leg gave way, he fell to the ground. For a while he just stayed there, he couldn't think straight; he didn't know what he was supposed to do. He knew he needed to move but he didn't know which direction. He blacked out again, woke up to the sound of a car driving slowly nearby. Through the trees he saw the headlights, the car wasn't moving but the engine was still running. Instinct told him getting to that car was his only hope for survival.

Dragging his left leg behind him he began staggering through the trees. Bouncing from one tree to the next, he pulled himself forward, willed his body to stay up right, to keep moving, prayed the car would stay there. It took a long time for him to travel those one hundred yards, when he reached the car his hands slammed against the passenger door, he heard a young woman scream, and then a male voice but the words were muffled. He tried to hold on but he'd used the last of his energy getting to the car. He blacked out again and fell to the ground.

…

"Sir can you hear me?" someone asked him as they gripped down hard on his shoulders and squeezed into his collar bone. His eyes flew open, he pushed them away. He let out a groan and tried to sit up; the rapid movement made his head spin and turned his vision blurry.

"Sir, can you tell me your name?" the same voice asked.

"Jay," he said turning his head left to right, trying to work out where he was. He could see headlights to an ambulance but nothing else.

"Do you know what happened to you?" the voice asked.

"No," he said, still trying to comprehend what was going on, "where is Erin? Is she here?"

"No one else is here," the voice told him, "who's Erin?"

"My girlfriend," he said continuing to look around, "I need to find her."

He tried to stand but hands held him down, "You need to go to the hospital," a second voice said, "the police are combing the area, if your girlfriend is here they'll find her."

"I need to find her," he said again, and a surge of adrenalin rushed his body. He pushed aside the person holding him down, and then he was somehow on his feet, before he could workout which way to move he fainted again.

…

"Male approximately thirty years old. Found confused and disorientated in the south parklands, multiple lacerations, server deformity to the left leg, pulse 150, BP 100/60, temp 103."

Jay heard the man rattle off his condition, he knew he was strapped to a gurney, he knew he was at the hospital. His head was swimming, full of more information than he could process, but not the information he needed. "Erin!" He twisted his head from side to side, hoping beyond hope that she'd somehow turned up. That she was okay, at the hospital waiting for him. He couldn't see her though and no one seemed to hear him.

"We'll take it from here," he heard a woman say, "Dr Halstead."

Then his brother was leaning over him.

"Jay?" his brother said, a look of shock and surprise crossing his face.

"Will?" he let out a sigh of relief, grateful that a familiar face was looking after him. "Is Erin here?"

"No," Will told him, "hang on a moment." Will's attention turned from him to the group of medical people gathered around him, "lift on three. One, two, three."

He groaned in pain as the medics transferred him from one gurney to the next. Will began giving out instructions and someone grabbed his arm and tried to put a needle in it. Instinct made him pull his arm away.

"Jay we need to get a line in," Will said grabbing his hand, "stay still."

He stayed still long enough for the other doctor to put the line in, he watched them take vial after vial of blood and finally attach a bag of clear fluid. A flurry of activity was happening around him, he focused on his brother.

"Erin?" he asked again.

"She's not here Jay," Will told him, "what happened?"

"I don't know," he said feeling every bit scared and deflated, "call Hank Voight, I think something terrible has happened."

…

Voight woke to the sound of his phone ringing. It was dark outside, his alarm clock read 1am, no good calls came through at 1am. He picked up the phone and read the caller ID, someone from Med was calling.

"Hello," he said his voice croaky than normal, "Hank Voight here. What do you want?"

"Hi, this is Maggie Lockwood calling from Chicago Med. You need to get down here now?" The tone in her voice said she was serious, not messing around.

"Why? What's happened?" he asked sitting up.

"An ambulance just brought in Jay Halstead. He said to call you?"

"What?" what he was hearing didn't make any sense. "Was Erin with him?"

"No," the woman told him, "you need to get down here now."

"Okay." He ended the call, and dialled Erin's number. It flicked straight through to voicemail, her phone was turned off.

He dressed quickly and began the short drive to the hospital. The urgency in the woman's voice had shaken him; a sick feeling was growing in his gut. Something was wrong, very wrong. He tried not to let his mind jump to conclusions, but as he arrived at the hospital, was directed to Jay's room, his mind jumped to some of the worse things he'd seen.

Jay was half sitting up in a bed, a sheet covering only his mid-section. He was pale as a ghost, streaks of blood and dirt covered his body, deep cuts ran down his arms and chest, his left ankle and foot were a mess.

"What happened?" he asked standing at the foot of the bed.

Jay looked up at him, his eyes were glazy, "I don't know," Jay said sounding totally lost, "Erin's missing, you need to find her."

"What do you mean missing?" He asked, trying to stop his imagination running wild.

"I don't know where she is," he said, "please, you have to find her."

Jay didn't sound like the confident, articulate detective he knew, he sounded so much like the victims, and family members he'd interviewed over the years.

"What happened?" he asked again, pulling his note book out of his back pocket.

"I don't know," Jay said, his voice almost breaking, "the last thing I remember is leaving Molly's and then it's two days later I'm in the park."

"Was Erin with you?"

"At Molly's, I couldn't find her at the park."

"Okay," Hank said still holding it together, he turned to Will, "What can you tell me?" he asked.

Will began rattling off Jay's injuries; he had multiple incisions running up and down his, arms, legs, and body, some looked fresh while others appeared to be a few days old. His left foot and ankle were completely crushed, the nature of the injury suggested it had been pounded multiple times by something large and heavy. They were still waiting on scans and blood work but he suspected a significant amount of blood loss, infection, and an array of drugs to be identified.

Hank wrote everything down, he was mentally trying to catalogue it all, work out where to start with the investigation. He didn't have much to go on.

"Okay," he finally said, "I'm going to call the rest of the team. I want to know as soon as the blood work comes back, and if you remember anything else, you tell someone immediately."

…

Erin lay face down in dirt, tuffs of grass and small rocks dug into her body. Surrounding her on all sides was long tall grass. She tried to lift her head but it felt like lead. Her whole body felt heavy, she didn't know where she was but she knew she couldn't stay there. Slowly she tried to move forward she got one arm up under her body, pushed herself up on one elbow. She looked around, left, right, forward. There was something familiar about where she was but she couldn't place it. She carefully rolled over to see what was behind her. The movement hurt, kept taking her breath away, finally she could see. She knew where she was and it made her blood run cold. The people who'd taken her let her go but she may as well have been left for dead.


	2. Chapter 2

Hank paced uneasily around his office, it had been twelve hours since he'd spoken to Jay in the hospital, twelve hours since he'd found out Erin was missing, 60 hours since she was taken. He tried not to think about those numbers, about what the actual chance of finding her alive was. He just kept telling himself they were going to find her; though it was getting harder to keep up that frame of mind. They were running out of leads to follow. Jay still couldn't remember anything about their attackers; the abduction site and drop off sites were both in surveillance black spots; and the list of people who might have grudges against them both was massive. Their line of enquiry was going around in circles and all they knew for certain was Erin wasn't in the park Jay had been found in.

He picked up his phone and called his friend in New York. "Hi Olivia," he said as she answered. He didn't bother with the small talk; he jumped straight to Erin and began talking through everything he knew. He needed a new set of eyes, a new perspective on the evidence. He'd reached the point of describing Jay's injuries, when Olivia stopped him.

"Hank," she said, "I think they were here."

"There?" Hank asked hoping they'd stumbled onto something.

"Here in New York," Olivia began telling him, "three months back a couple was taken, blitzed attacked just like Jay and Erin. Forty eight hours later they were both released in isolated areas on opposite sides of the city. Their injuries were identical to Jay's."

"Identical?" Hank said, beginning to feel like maybe they had a new lead, "I need to speak to them."

"You can't," Olivia said back to him, "they both died a week after they were found due to massive infection."

He hadn't thought he could feel any sicker but those words made his gut twist even harder. Jay was already battling an infection, chances were Erin was too, if he ever managed to find her.

"I'll send you the case files," Olivia said filling in the silence.

"Thanks," Hank said though his mind was already trying to catalogue all the places Erin could have been dumped.

"No worries," Olivia said before adding, "Hank, if you need anything call me. You're going to find her."

"I will," he said before hanging up the phone.

…

Jay lay half-awake in the hospital bed, he'd come out of surgery a half hour earlier, they'd been cleaning his leg and the rest of his injuries, as far as he could tell all his incision had been stitched closed, his left leg was another story. They'd stripped away all the infected tissue, and aligned as much of the bones as they could but they wanted to wait for the infection to calm down before they started screwing it back together. He didn't mind, he trusted his doctors but he didn't like the idea of more surgery. He didn't want any sedatives, he wanted to be awake, he wanted to know as soon as they found Erin.

It scared him that she was still missing, he hated that he couldn't do anything more to help find her. He'd told them everything he could remember, which was basically nothing.

"You okay Jay?" he heard Burgess ask him, she was stationed at his room in case he remembered anything.

"I'm fine," he said hating that she'd asked the question, "has Erin been found yet?"

"No, I'm sorry," Burgess said standing up, she walked over to his bed and made out to take his hand, he pulled it away before she could try. "Voight's throwing everything into it."

"I know," he sighed; he had no doubt Voight would be doing everything he could. He just wished he could do more.

…

Hank spread a map of Chicago out in front of him, with a red marker he crossed the place where Jay had been found, then he moved his eyes to the opposite side of the map. There were so many pockets of isolation in the city, so many places where Erin could be. He began gridding up the city, and phoning his team. They were already spread across the city, chasing up information form their CI's, so far no one had the information they needed. A systematic search of the city seemed like as good idea as any. If she really was free, it might be the fastest way to find her. He gave everyone an area of the city to search it would take hours but it was something.

…

The sound of a car driving along the gravel road pulled Erin from her semi-conscious state. Through the grass she could see a patrol car driving along the access road. It parked 100 yards from where she lay. She couldn't see whose car it was but she didn't care, that car and the person driving it were her only chance of getting out alive. She forced her body to move, the pain that ripped through her was blinding, everything started to go black, she stopped, focused on breathing, thinking, who ever had driven that car in needed to find her. With her right hand she groped at the ground, it filled with dirt and using all her strength she threw the dirt forward.

The dirt fell to the ground in an almost silent wave. She focused on staying conscious she watched the car, the person walked around the car, they looked towards her and then turned and walked away, they climbed into the car and then they were gone. Her heart sank.

…

Will slipped into Jay's room and picked up his chart. He scanned through the doctor's notes and shook his head. His brother was sick and getting sicker. There was a detective in the room watching him, a woman whose name escaped him. She was there in case he woke and remembered something useful but he doubted Jay would remember anything.

"Get yourself something to eat," he told the woman, "I'll sit with him for a bit."

The woman nodded and stood up, she left the room quietly and he sat down in the empty seat. He pulled the seat close to the bed and took his brother's hand. It felt strange to be holding it; they weren't the touchy feely type the Halstead brothers but he wanted Jay to know he was there.

Jay stirred at his touch and opened his eyes, "Erin?" he asked.

"Not yet bro," he said shaking his head, "go back to sleep. I'll let you know when she's here."

"I don't want to sleep," Jay muttered but his actions defied his words, within minutes he'd drifted off again.

…

Hank stared at the map of Chicago, little black circles now covered it, they represented all the places in the city that had been searched by officers or his team. The whole map was now covered but Erin still wasn't found. He trusted his guys to have done their searches properly which could mean only one thing. Erin was still being held somewhere. The thought terrified him, they had no more leads, no idea where to go. He slammed his fist against the table in frustration.

"Voight." He looked up to see Commander Crowley walking towards him.

"What can I do for you commander?" he said trying to pull himself together.

"You need to step away from the case," she said sounding official.

"Like hell I am," he said immediately getting defensive. "This is Erin we're talking about."

"I know," Crowley said, adjusting her posture to make herself look taller, "you're too close to this Hank. Missing persons is taking over. Your team can work with them."

He glared at his superior officer but he knew from experience arguing with Crowley didn't achieve much; she didn't get to the position she was in by laying down. She couldn't stop him looking into the case; his team would still be working on it. He turned, picked up his keys and stormed out the building.

…

Light was already fading when Hank drove away from the district. He was on the verge of losing it completely, he could no longer hold in the worry and fear which was surging through him. He let out a scream as he drove down the road. Anger was building up inside of him, he wanted to hurt someone, he wanted to hit something. He drove to the most isolated place he knew, the silos on the edge of the city. He was going to start digging a hole, if he had his way the bastard who'd done this wouldn't ever see the inside of a jail cell.


	3. Chapter 3

Erin knew she was dying, she knew if someone didn't find her soon she'd be dead by morning. She was fighting to stay awake but it was getting harder by the minute, she was scared if she fell asleep she'd never wake up again, that fear wasn't enough to keep her awake though.

She was trying to get closer to help but in the hours since the car had arrived she'd pulled herself a whole ten feet. That was all she could manage before exhaustion took completely over, she was laying on a bed of rocks now, a small handful of them gripped in her hand in case a car came back.

…

Hank turned his car onto the gravel road leading down to the silos. He parked in his usual spot and slowly climbed out. He looked around to make sure he was really a lone and then he let out a deep guttural scream.

…

The sound of a man yelling jolted Erin awake. She was facing the direction the sound came from; she squinted in the dimming light and could just make out the shape of a car. Adrenalin ran through her body, her hand clenched around the stones and with all her energy she threw them forward.

..

Off to his side Hank heard the 'plop, plop, plop' sound of pebbles hitting the ground. He turned to the sound but he couldn't see anything. "Who's there?" he asked but no one answered. He turned away and then he heard the sound again. No mistake, someone or something was out there. He went back to his car, grabbed his flashlight and walked towards the noise.

He could feel his heart racing as he moved forward, one hand rested on his gun, the other held the light steady. Standing at the edge of the road he shone the light into the grass, it only took him seconds to find the source of the noise.

"Erin!" he yelled as his insides contorted. He reached her in a matter of seconds; a flood of emotions engulfed him. He was relieved to have found her but she was far from okay.

"Erin," he said kneeling down beside her. She was on her stomach, her body covered in serve sunburn. She opened her eyes to look at him, they were glassy and bloodshot.

"Hank," she said in a voice barely louder than a whisper, then her eyes closed again.

"Erin stay awake," he said rolling her on to her back. She whimpered in pain, he immediately wished he hadn't moved her. Her injuries mirrored Jay's with the addition of gravel rash all down her front. He fought back the urge to vomit and radioed in for an ambulance and backup. Then he took off his jacket, placed it over her body and sat down beside her.

"You're going to be okay kid," he said taking her hand. He squeezed it tight, she squeezed back.

"Don't leave me," she muttered before her hand went limp.

"I'm not going anywhere kid," Hank said fighting back tears, with his free hand he gently stroked her head while he waited for an ambulance.

…

Will felt his pager go off against his hip, he was officially off duty, there was only one reason anyone would page him. He stood up and quietly slipped out his brother's room. As soon as the door closed behind him he took off at a run. In the emergency department Maggie pointed him to 'Bagdad' the trauma bay reserved for the most serious of injuries. Standing outside the room looking pale and frantic was Sargent Voight.

"Is she going to be okay?" Voight asked him as he pushed passed.

"I don't know," he said stepping into the room and closing the door behind him.

Erin's injuries mirrored Jay's, but eighteen extra hours without treatment had left her in a precarious state. Her blood pressure was dangerously low, her heart racing, her breathing fast but not effective, her temperature 108. He began doing his intake exam, quickly moving down her body. She responded only to pain, the look in her eyes dazed and vacant, she didn't answer his question but moaned when he tried to move her right leg. He made the call to intubate her then started running off his list of medications and tests.

The med student assisting him was having difficulty getting a line in her arm; he took over placing one in her neck. He drew off vials of blood then administered a sedative. He threaded the tube down Erin's throat and attached her to a ventilator. He made sure she was stable, that everything she needed was being ordered, then he stepped out to talk to Voight.

"Is she going to be okay?" Voight asked him as soon as he stepped out; worry was written all over his face.

"She's in the best place possible," he said giving his standard non answer, "we're doing everything we can."

A look of pain crossed Voight's face, "Can I see her?" he asked.

"Not yet," he said, "take a seat someone will come get you in a bit."

…

Hank didn't want to sit down; he wanted to be with Erin, or out looking for the people who'd done this. He watched the door to the room he knew she was in, doctors and nurses walked in and out of her room. Everyone looked calm, there was no urgency in their movement, he didn't know if he should take that as a good or a bad thing. He made a call to his team.

"We've got the scene locked down," Olinsky told him, "be with Erin. I'll keep you posted on any developments, we'll get these people."

"Thanks," Hank said, not feeling any better. He felt torn, he wanted to be out there finding these people, but he wasn't going to leave Erin alone.

…

Hours passed, Erin was taken up to surgery, they wanted to try and clean away the infection and fix her leg. Hank left the hospital to follow up on the case. Will went back to see Jay.

Jay was sleeping when Will came into his room but this time he woke him without any hesitation.

"Jay," he said placing a hand on his brother's shoulder and shaking gently.

"Erin?" Jay said opening his eyes.

"She's here," Will said giving a half smile. "Voight found her."

Jay smiled and some of the tension seemed to leave his body, "is she okay?"

"She's sick," Will said sitting down, "they've taken her up for surgery."

"How sick?" Jay asked bracing himself.

"Same as you," Will said trying to ease his brother's worries without lying to him, "she's cut up pretty bad and her right leg is busted."

"Okay," Jay said closing his eyes again. Hearing Erin was as bad as him didn't make him feel good, he felt terrible, maybe sicker than he'd ever felt. He didn't want Erin going through that but he was glad she wasn't missing anymore.

"I'm going to let you keep resting," Will said standing up.

"Thanks," Jay said reaching for his brother's hand. "You'd tell me if there is anything more right?"

"I'll tell you as soon as there's more to tell," Will smiled, "go back to sleep I'll see you in the morning."

…

…

 _Jay opened his eyes to a bright light, all he could see was white, for a moment he wondered if he was dead, if this was the white light people talked about, then he saw something move and heard two voices. He strained to listen but he couldn't make out what they were saying._

 _His vision started to clear, the first thing he saw clearly was Erin, she was on her side facing him. Her clothes were gone, little wires and electrodes were attached to her body, she was lying on a silver table like the ones he'd seen at the morgue. For a moment he freaked thinking she was dead then her eyes blinked. She was watching him, he tried to reach out and touch her but he couldn't move. He tried to speak but no sound came out._

 _"Are they ready?" he heard a male voice say._

 _"All set," a woman replied._

 _He saw the woman come around and stand behind Erin, she was dressed like a doctor but she wasn't a doctor. "Test number 11," she announced before lifting a scalpel. She held Erin down with her free hand, then began to cut into her arm. A look of pain and horror crossed Erin's eyes, her jaw clenched; he could see she was trying not to scream._

…

"Erin! Erin!" the cry came out of Jay's mouth in a tone of sheer panic and terror, his heart started racing.

Voight jumped from his seat on the far side of the room and strode quickly across it. "Jay wake up!" he said grabbing his shoulder and shaking, "wake up!"

Jay's eyes flew open and for a second he looked back at him, terror and confusion running through his eyes. "Erin?" he asked.

"She's still the same," Voight told him, "you were asleep."

"Oh," an understanding seemed to cross his body, his heart rate was returning to normal. For the longest time neither of them said anything. Jay was trying to process his dream, work out if it was just a dream or something real. Voight could see Jay was processing something; he didn't want to interrupt him. Finally Jay spoke, "I think I'm remembering," he said before letting out a long slow breath.

Voight nodded and pulled out his notebook, "what happened?" he asked.

Slowly Jay began describing his dream, he told Voight every detail he could remember but already the memories were fading. His mind was telling him to forget.


	4. Chapter 4

Hank pored over the New York case file. He was certain it was the same people. It was the strongest lead they had yet, two people, a man and a woman with some kind of medical training; they were in New York when the first kidnapping happened and Chicago for the second. It wasn't a lot to go on.

He gave the information to his team, they were running with it as fast as they could, unofficially the case was back with him, Erin wasn't missing anymore, missing persons weren't interested in it. He was going to find these people if it was the last thing he did.

…

Jay didn't want to sleep; he wanted to remember what had happened. He was trying to keep himself awake, he was refusing to take any sedatives, and even pushing away pain meds. He wanted the pain to keep him awake, it worked for a bit but he was too sick for it to work for long. It had been two days since he'd arrived at the hospital and he knew he wasn't doing well. He felt like death, his fever was raging, every muscle in his body ached, at times he'd go through fits of uncontrollable shivering, and he was so tired. His body was telling him it was bad, and the look on his brother's face every time he came to see him only confirmed it.

Will looked worried in a way he hadn't seen him look before. Every time he came to visit he'd pick up his chart, read his notes, shake his head, then sit down. Will would try and make small talk but he wasn't interested in small talk. He wanted to know about Erin, he wanted to know when he'd be allowed to see her. He hadn't seen Erin yet; he knew she was in the room next door, that her injuries were the same as his but her condition was much worse. Those extra hours it had taken to find her had dug her deeper into the hole. She was fully sedated and fighting for her life, he longed to be there with her but every time he asked to see her he was told he was too sick to see her. It frustrated him and broke his heart every time he was told that; he wanted to be there for her, he was supposed to keep her safe.

…

Hank stood in one of the private rooms, the doctors with him, an infectious disease specialist, an orthopaedic surgeon, and an intensivist had suggested he sit but he didn't want to sit. They'd asked him who Erin's next of kin was and he'd put himself forward. Technically it was still her mother but he didn't want Bunny there messing things up and confusing matters. They were updating him on Erin's condition which was getting worse by the hour.

"She's showing early signs of renal failure," one of them had told him, "we're going to put her on dialysis, it should help her but we want you to be aware renal failure is often the first sign a person is going to go into multi system organ failure."

He nodded along, hearing the words but only partly comprehending what they were saying.

"We're not there yet," a different one tried to assure him, "she's still fighting but if she doesn't start improving soon we may need to consider more drastic measures."

He listened as they explained what they needed to do. At the end of the conversation they handed him a bunch of consent forms.

"You do what you need to do to keep her alive," he said scrawling his signature.

"We're doing everything we can," one of them told him.

He handed back the forms and walked out the room.

…

Hank stood at the side of Erin's beds cataloguing the tubes and wires coming from her, the bandages coving her body. One side of her face was bright red from sunburn; the other side was ghostly pale. The monitors showed she was still running a very high fever, and her blood pressure was very low but everything else looked normal enough. He tried not to look at the mess that was her right leg; the doctors had already braced him for what the possible fate of her leg would be. He'd told them to do whatever they needed to keep her alive, he couldn't lose her, not after already loosing Camille, and Justin. She was all he had left; he couldn't lose her as well.

He didn't want to say it out loud but he was scared, scareder than he'd been in a long time, scared that she wouldn't make it, scared that they wouldn't find the people responsible. They still had no suspects, and hadn't managed to track down the location they'd been held in.

"I'm sorry," he said reaching down and caressing the side of her face. He wanted desperately for her to wake up but he knew she couldn't. "You need to fight; I can't do this on my own." He blinked his eyes and tears ran down his face, hastily he wiped them away, then sat down in an empty chair. He stayed with her all night, drifting in and out of a fruitless sleep.

…

Jay was used to his brother coming in to see him, he was used to the ashen looks of worry, he knew he was sick. When Will came in with two other doctors though he knew things were serious. He introduced the woman as an epidemiologist named Dr Charles, and the man as an orthopaedic surgeon named Dr O'Brian. Slowly they began explaining his current condition. He'd been in the early stages of septicaemia when they'd brought him in. He wasn't responding to the antibiotics the infection in his leg was antibiotic resistant. Dr O'Brian began explaining the status of his leg. He said he could attempt to repair it but that it would take multiple surgeries over an extended period of time and he might never regain full functionality of the leg.

The information slowly sank in, he had a feeling he knew where they were going but he wanted them to specifically say it. "What are you suggesting?" he asked.

Dr Charles and Dr O'Brian both looked to each other as if trying to decide who would tell him.

"It's my recommendation that we perform a below the knee amputation," Dr Charles finally said.

Jay gulped as the colour drained from his face, "is that what you recommend?" he asked looking to Dr O'Brian.

"Given all the information, yes," he said, "but the decision is up to you. If you want to try and save the leg, I am willing to do the repairs."

"Okay," Jay said feeling completely overwhelmed, "when do I need to make the decision?"

"Soon," Dr O'Brian told him, "but not right this second."

"Okay," he said taking deep breaths, he was trying to calm himself down and get his head on straight, it was a lot to take in all at once.

"Do you have any more questions?" Dr Charles asked him.

"Umm…" he thought for a moment and then he remembered, "Erin?" he asked, "What's happening with her?"

The two doctors looked at each other as if trying to decide what to tell him, "she wasn't given a choice," Dr O'Brian finally said, "She's being prepped for surgery now; speaking of which I've got to go. I'll be back in a few hours, have a think about what we've told you."

"Okay," Jay nodded. He felt sick inside but knowing this was happening to Erin too made his decision easier. If she had to go through this shit, he'd go through it too. The two doctors left leaving just him and his brother.

"You okay?" Will asked him.

"No," he said shaking his head. He wasn't even going to try putting on a tough face. "I know what I have to do but it scares the shit out of me."

* * *

 **AN: That's all for now. If you're enjoying reading and would like to see more, I'd love if you could leave some reviews. Also I'd be interested in knowing what you're ideal length for an update is. I have a short attention span and like updates of give or take on about 1500 words, but if you'd like to see longer updates I can wait until I have more to post. :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

Hank paced uneasily around the hospital, he hated the waiting, he hated not being in a position to be able to do anything, he hated things being out of his control. Erin was in surgery, they were amputating the mess that was her right ankle. The thought of it made him feel sick, he wasn't sure if Erin would forgive him for allowing them to do this to her but he'd take a pissed off Erin over a dead one any day. He hoped she'd be able to see why it needed to be done; he hoped it would be enough to get her over the edge, on the road to recovery.

The hours ticked by painfully slow, at one point he left the hospital, drove aimlessly around the city. Somehow he ended up in front of the bar Bunny worked at. He didn't know why he'd driven there, he didn't want to talk to Bunny, he didn't like Bunny but somehow his subconscious had brought him there.

He parked his car and walked inside.

"Hank what are you doing here?" that was Bunny's greeting to him; there was no illusion of pleasantries between them.

"Erin's in the hospital," he said looking at her straight, "I thought you should know."

A look of almost concern crossed Bunny's face, "Is she okay?"

"She'll be okay," he replied, saying the words to himself as much as to Bunny.

"Okay, good," Bunny replied, putting the glass she was holding away. "Did she ask to see me?"

"No," he said leaving out the part about Erin not being able to ask for her mother

Bunny looked uncomfortable, like she wasn't sure why Hank was there, "Okay, well maybe I'll stop by anyway," she finally said.

"You do that," Hank said feeling his phone vibrate. He looked down at the message, Erin was out of surgery. "I got to go." He walked out the bar before Bunny could say anymore.

…

Twelve hours after surgery Jay's fever finally broke and he began showing his first signs of recovery. He felt hungry for the first time in days; his head was clearer, and the fatigue gripping him felt a little less. Though the fatigue lifting might have had something to do with the ten hours of sleep he'd had. He'd finally agreed to take his brother's advice and swallow a sedative; if he dreamed at all he didn't remember it.

"You're looking good bro," Will said flipping through his chart.

"Great," Jay smiled, "good enough to see Erin?"

"Maybe," Will said putting the chart down, "that's not my call."

"Can't you just break me out of here?" Jay asked waving his hands in the general direction of the room and himself, "you work here, you know where all these wires go, you can put them back after."

"I'll page your doctor," Will smiled, "how are you feeling?"

"Great!" Jay replied putting on a fake smile.

Will shook his head and laughed, "truth bro?" he asked again, "I wouldn't be feeling great if I was you."

Jay tried to size up his brother, work out if he was being a doctor or his brother, "I want to see Erin," he said picking the middle ground, "I feel better than I have these last few days."

"I'll take you to see Erin as soon as your doctor clears you," Will smiled, "nothing you say to me is going to change your doctor's decision, so you can be square with me. How are you really feeling?"

"Scared," Jay began finally being honest, "I don't know what my future looks like anymore, I don't know if I can go back to work, and I don't know what I'll do without work. I'm scared for Erin, I don't know what I'll do if I lose her."

"She's going to pull through," Will said, switching into full brother mode, "and you'll work it out together. They're doing some amazing things with prosthesis, and rehabilitation now days."

"I know," Jay sighed, "but that doesn't stop me feeling scared. I feel frustrated too, I want to put these bastards away but I can't remember what happened."

"Not remembering might be a good thing," Will offered, "whatever happened Jay it was bad and maybe not having those things fill your head is a good thing."

"Maybe," Jay sighed, "but it doesn't help us catch them. They're still out there, what if they try to do this again, to someone else."

"They'll make a mistake," Will offer, not sure if he was helping or not, "they'll get caught."

"But how many people will get hurt in the process?"

…

Will pushed Jay into Erin's room. He was sitting in a wheelchair; he'd wanted to try and walk there on crutches but had been categorically told that wasn't an option. He didn't like being in a wheelchair but he accepted it for now. Seeing Erin was more important that anything right now.

She was still sedated, he'd been told she might be able to hear him but she wouldn't be able to respond. He thought he knew what to expect but seeing Erin still broke his heart and took his breath away. One side of her face was bright red and blistering, those same blisters travelled down what he could see of her arm, he could only guess how much covered the parts of her body he couldn't see. Bandages covered her arms in the same place as his, he remembered Will telling him she'd been cut up the same way as him. Under the hospital gown she wore he knew there would be many more bandages. Her right leg was wrapped in much the same way as his left, he let out a long slow breath to try and steady himself.

"Erin," he said reaching out and caressing the side of her face, "it's Jay. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get here." He wrapped his hand around hers and held it, it was cold and clammy. "I've been pretty sick, but I'm getting better now so you need to get better too okay. I can't do this on my own." Tears started weeping out his eyes; he wiped them away with his free hand. "I need you." He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "I need you," he said again barely louder than a whisper.

For the rest of his time he just sat holding her hand, he didn't know what else he was supposed to say to her. Finally Will told him it was time to go back to his room. He agreed to leave only after Will promised to bring him back the next day.

…

It was Commander Crowley's call to bring in the FBI. Once it was clear the people responsible for the New York abductions were likely the same people who'd taken Jay and Erin it seemed like a good reason to get extra smarts and resources. She'd taken Voight off the case but she wasn't naïve enough to honestly believe he wasn't still chasing up his own leads.

The agents were working out of the 21st district and Voight had to admit he didn't mind them. They were keeping him in the loop with everything and following up any suggestion he mentioned. They were currently going through trying to find links to New York and Chicago but also following national databases to try and find more victims. They had a hunch that New York might not have been their first attack.

So far they hadn't found anything; the case was going painfully slow.

…

Jay had his eyes closed but he wasn't sleeping. He was trying to force his mind to remember more of what happened. Remember more than that one scene which kept playing through his head every time he fell asleep. So far he was drawing a blank and as the days and hours ticked by he was beginning to question if the dream was even real.

He heard someone walk into his room; he assumed it was Burgess returning with coffees. He'd sent her off a while ago, not because he wanted coffee but because he didn't like her sitting in the room looking all awkward, they'd exhausted all their small talk, he'd wanted to be alone for a bit. He opened his eyes but it wasn't Burgess in his room, it was a woman dressed as a nurse. She was changing the settings on his PCA.

"What are you doing?" he asked, they never changed the setting on the PCA without talking to him first. The woman jumped at the sound of his voice. She turned to look at him and for a second their eyes met. It was the woman from his dreams. He went to grab her arm but she stepped back just in time, she turned and walked quickly out the room. "Hey!" he called after her, and when she didn't stop he called out to anyone, "Stop that woman!"

But no one heard his call and as quickly as the woman arrived she was gone. He frantically started pressing his call button and pulled out the IV line in his arm attached to the PCA. It felt like forever before a nurse finally arrived.

"What's wrong?" she asked, before seeing the blood running from his arm.

"That woman who was just here, who is she?"

"There was no one in your room," the nurse told him, "it must have been another dream."

"No it was real," he said suddenly doubting himself, "she was here. She did something to the PCA. That's why I pulled the IV out."

"Okay," the nurse said shaking her head, "I'll check the settings and if everything's normal I want you to let the doctors give you something to help you sleep. I know you've been fighting it since you've been here."

He was going to argue again but they were interrupted by a code alarm, "Code blue room 102" the voice said over the intercom.

"We're not finished," the nurse said turning to leave. He didn't try and stop her; the code was in Erin's room. He strained to listen to the commotion. He felt like his heart was up in his throat. He began saying a silent pray, willing Erin to pull herself out of it.

Finally everything went quiet; he couldn't tell if it was a good or a bad thing. He pressed his call button and waited for the nurse to come back. She looked stressed but smiled at him as she walked into his room. "Your friend is okay," she told him before he even had to ask, "someone gave her an overdose of morphine but we were able to reverse the effects in time. The police have been called and the hospital is going into lockdown. If the woman you saw is still here we'll find her."

"She'll be long gone by now," he sighed, but at least it's something, maybe it was enough of a mistake.

* * *

 **AN: I really loved getting all the reviews last time. It made me feel good to know people are reading and want to see more. If you'd like to see more, please leave some reviews. :-) I like meeting new people too so feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat/write.**


	6. Chapter 6

The woman coming to the hospital was a bold move but by the time the hospital was locked down she was long gone. They were able to find her on the security feed and follow her all the way out the front door but not once did she show her face to the camera.

Hank and the FBI agents rushed to the hospital. Hank made arrangements for increasing the security around Jay and Erin's rooms, he wanted a uniformed officer outside them at all times. The FBI was more interested in talking to Jay. He spent hours giving them as detailed a description as possible of the woman. She knew what she was doing, if he hadn't pulled his IV line out he would have been overdosing just as they were trying to revive Erin, it would have been messy and they both could have ended up dead.

It was a development in the case but dang it was a scary one. No one had honestly expected the couple to come back and try and finished them off. Everyone had been operating on the assumption they'd both left town. They were going to have to go back over the New York records now too; maybe it wasn't strictly infection which had killed both victims there.

By the time Jay had finished giving all his statements he was exhausted, no amount of willpower could keep him awake. That night he fell asleep and had nightmare after nightmare, in his dreams he was back in that room, he watched the woman cut Erin over and over. In the morning he woke up feeling stressed out of his mind but he didn't have time to dwell on it, Erin's fever had finally broken, they were going to start weaning her off the sedatives.

…

Jay sat in a wheelchair at the foot of Erin's bed, standing next to him was Hank, and behind him an FBI agent. At the head of the bed standing on either side were two of Erin's doctors and a nurse. They were carefully adjusting her medications to allow her to wake up.

"Erin can you open your eyes for me?" the doctor asked while simultaneously shinning a light towards her eyes and squeezing her shoulder. She let out a deep moan and tried to swipe away his arm, it wasn't quite the response they were after but it was something. Hank and Jay both let out the breaths they were holding.

"Erin open your eyes for me please," the doctor asked again, "I've taken the light away."

Erin opened her eyes, she blinked a few times and then her heart rate spiked on the monitor and she sat bolt upright in bed. She began fighting against the doctor and trying to get out of bed.

"Erin stop," the doctor said trying to restrain her, but even in her weaken state she was still strong. "Erin stop fighting, you need to lay down," he kept saying, but it was like she couldn't hear him, "Erin stop! I don't want to have to sedate you again."

As the doctor ordered the nurse to draw up the sedative Hank stepped into action. He forced himself between Erin and the doctor and grabbed hold of her.

"Erin stop," he said holding tight onto her arms, "It's Hank, I'm here, look at me, you're at the hospital, you're safe."

"Look at me, you're safe," he kept telling her over and over until finally their eyes met, she held his gaze for just a second, but he saw something click inside of her and then she just crumbled into his arms. He held tightly onto her as she sobbed. No one tried to intervene, not until Erin had completely calmed down.

"The doctors need to check you out," he finally said to her, "I'm going to be right here with you the whole time."

"Okay," she said letting go of him and lying back down in the bed.

Sitting back in bed Erin began properly cataloguing her surrounding, she was relieved to see Jay sitting at the end of her bed, behind him was a woman in a suit she didn't recognise, then there were her doctors. They asked her to do things like squeeze their hands and follow their fingers, they asked her how she was feeling, if she was in any pain. She said her right ankle was throbbing, a strange look crossed everyone face, it lasted only a second before the doctor said he'd arrange some pain meds for her. Then he started explaining what had happened to her medically since she'd arrived at the hospital. By the time they'd finished explaining everything she understood why they'd given each other a strange look when she said her right ankle hurt, she no longer had a right ankle. As that realisation hit she began to feel sick, if there had been anything in her stomach to vomit she would have. It was too much for her to take in all at once; the doctors recognised the stress level in her and choose to stop.

"I think that's enough medical talk for now," the doctor told her, "if you have any more questions write them down and we'll talk later."

"Okay," she said feeling completely overwhelmed. The doctors and nurse left the room but the woman in the suit stayed behind.

"Who are you?" she asked looking straight at the woman.

"I'm Agent Bennet with the FBI," the woman said holding out her hand, "I'm here to catch the people who did this to you so when you're up for it I'd really like to talk to you about what happened."

"Okay," Erin nodded, she knew how important it was to give her statement, she wanted these people caught more than anything, "we can start now if you want."

The agent smiled at her, "how about I give you a half hour to rest. If it's okay with you I'd like to film our interview and I need to get my equipment."

"Okay," Erin nodded again, she wanted to get this over and done with but she liked the idea of filming the interview, if it was on tape she'd hopefully only have to go through it once.

The agent left the room to get her equipment, leaving her alone with Hank and Jay. Jay wheeled his chair up to the head of the bed. He reached for her hand and they wrapped their fingers together.

"I know it's a lot to take in all at once," he told her, "but we're in this together. We'll get through it."

"I know," she smiled trying to put on the tough act, "I'm feeling pretty tired, do you mind if I just get some rest before the interview?"

"Yeah no worries," Jay smiled though she could tell he was a bit hurt that she didn't want to talk more.

They both left and she was finally alone again. She let out a long slow breath and closed her eyes; she concentrated on focusing the images running through her head. She remembered everything.

* * *

 **AN: Massive thanks to all those who left the reviews for the last part, these updates keep rolling because of you. :-) So keep them coming please.**


	7. Chapter 7

She remembered everything.

The agent came back into the room a half hour later. In her hands she carried a tripod and a bag of recording equipment. Erin opened her eyes and gave her an empty smile but she didn't say anything more than "Hi." She watched the woman set up the equipment while she continued to mentally prepare herself for what she was about to do. Finally when everything was set up, the agent pressed record on the camera and sat down on the chair by the side of her bed.

"I'm Agent Bennet with the FBI," she said, "as discussed before I'm recording our interview. If at any time you wish to stop the recording you may say so."

"Okay," she nodded, she wanted the interview recorded; she'd take anything to reduce the number of times she'd have to go through what happened.

"Good," the agent smiled at her, "shall we begin?"

Erin nodded and the agent asked her first question.

…

Hank paced uneasily around the corridors outside Erin's room. He had no idea how long her interview with the FBI agent would take. If she remembered as much as Jay it wouldn't take long. As an hour ticked by he began to get the feeling Erin remembered a lot more than Jay. He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. He wanted desperately to catch the people responsible and they were out of leads so Erin remembering was good if it could give them the lead they needed but judging by their injuries alone whatever happened was horrific, he didn't want Erin carrying that around with her.

At the two hour mark the agent came out of the room. "Have you finished?" He asked walking straight towards her.

"No," she said shaking her head, "we're going to be a while longer. We're just taking a break."

"Oh," Hank said absorbing the information, "she remembers doesn't she?"

"She remembers," nodded the agent, "she remembers a lot."

Hank gulped, his heart aching for Erin, "has she remembered anything useful?" he asked.

The agent paused as if trying to decide what to tell him. "I need to call my team," she told him, "you can come with me."

…

Erin lay back in bed before the agent even stepped out the room. She was trembling all over and her heart was racing. She didn't want to stop but she needed to, she'd been pushing herself too hard too fast. Slowly she rolled on to her side; she pulled her blanket up around her and clutched it to her chest. She counted to ten, and gradually the trembling stopped, and her heart rate slowed. Fatigue took hold of her, she closed her eyes, within seconds, images of Jay lying unconscious and bleeding flashed through her head, her eyes flew open. She was trembling all over again. Tears ran down her face, she wanted to sleep, but not like that.

…

Jay waited patiently in his room for Erin to finish her interview with the FBI agent. He wanted desperately to talk to her, to find out what she remembered, to find out what happened to them. Judging by how long it was taking her to give her statement she remembered more than he did. He wanted to know what happened so bad he didn't see the bad side in her remembering, not yet.

The hours ticked by painfully slowly, he tried to watch a movie but his mind wouldn't focus. He talked to his doctors for a bit, they outlined some of his treatment plan for him. He had a long road ahead of him but he already figured that. Erin had a long road ahead of her too.

...

Hank stood notebook in hand as the agent placed the call to her team. He listened attentively as she began dolling out the useful information Erin had told her so far. She'd said they dressed as doctors, wore scrubs, lab coats, and face masks, they treated them like lab rats in some kind of experiment. The place they were kept had no natural light. It was either lit with bright fluorescent lights or pitch black. She could hear trains all the time and occasionally she heard planes too.

They were the first pieces of geographic information they had, finally something to narrow down their search. Hank smiled at the thought of finally having something new to look into, a lead to chase down. They were also given their first description of the man who'd taken them and a description of the woman which matched the woman who'd come into the hospital. It was more than any of them had expected and the interview wasn't even over.

When the agent finished the call Hank had a hunger in his eyes. He wasn't going to spend the rest of the day hanging around the hospital waiting. "I'm going to help chase up those leads," he said to the agent, "will you phone me when you're finished?"

"Sure," she said smiling at him.

There was an awkward pause between them, there was one more thing Hank wanted but he'd hoped he wouldn't have to ask for it. The agent didn't seem to be offering it to him though. "The video you're making. Can I have a copy of it when it's finished?"

The agent nodded, "I'll arrange for a copy to be sent to your office," she told him, "I've got some more things I need to do before going back."

"Of course," Hank nodded and they parted ways.

…

"I don't know how long I'd been awake," Erin said looking at a spot on the wall just above the agent's shoulder. She was exhausted; it had taken hours for her to get to this point in her story. The only thing keeping her going now was the knowledge she was almost finished.

"Every time I'd start to fall asleep they'd give me something and my mind would start racing again. But I guess eventually they finished with us. The man, he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, I was too weak to fight him now. I just let him carry me and then he threw me in the back of the van and slammed the door shut."

"Okay," the agent said breaking into her narrative, "tell me about the van. How big is it?"

"Big," she said trying to hold herself in the moment, "he could almost stand inside of it, it took him three steps to get from one end to the other."

"Is there anything in the van with you?"

"Not yet," she said as a shiver ran through her body, "he comes back in a little bit and throws Jay in there too."

"Okay, keep going."

"They left us in the van for what felt like a long time. I tried to get Jay to wake up but they'd given him something, all I could do was sit there and listen to him breath. Finally they came back, she sat up front and drove, he sat in the back with us. We drove for what felt like hours, I tried to keep track of where we were going but I quickly got turned around and confused. Eventually the van slowed down, he opened the door and he grabbed Jay, he injected something into his arm and then threw him out the van. I tried to jump out with him but he kicked me back and slammed the door shut. He injected something into my arm and the next thing I remember is waking up in the dirt."

She let out a long slow breath; she'd reached the end of her story. The agent was giving her a sad smile.

"You're doing really well Erin," she told her, "now I just want to go back to the drive. Can you tell me what you remember? Be really specific."

Erin took in a long deep breath, and gradually let it out. She'd expected to go back to the van and the final road trip but she'd hoped somehow the agent would let her off. She closed her eyes this time and began visualising the van, she spoke slowly and carefully detailing everything she could remember. When she was finished she opened her eyes. The agent was smiling at her.

"You did good," she told her reaching forward to squeeze her hand, "I think that's enough for now. If we need any more information I'll come back."'

"Okay," she said letting her eyes drift shut again, fatigue had well and truly taken hold of her body.

The agent stood up and started packing up the recording equipment. "Is there anything I can get for you before I leave?" she asked when everything was packed away.

"Jay," she said opening her eyes again, "can you see if he can come see me, and more pillows. I want more pillows."

The agent smiled at her and began to open the cupboards in the room. In the third cupboard she tried were a stack of blankets and pillows. "Bingo," she said pulling out the pillows, "how many do you want?"

"Three," she said looking at all the pillows she already had, "one for each side, and one between my legs."

The agent helped her get all the pillows in place, she made sure she was comfortable before leaving the room with a promise she'd ask someone to get Jay for her.

Erin smiled before slowly rolling herself back onto her side. She wrapped her arms around the pillow and pulled it tight to her chest. She tried to visualise nothingness and closed her eyes, if she could get some sleep before Jay arrived she'd be better for it.

…

When a nurse came into Jay's room to tell him he could see Erin now, they couldn't get him out of the bed fast enough. He didn't argue about the wheelchair, he let them help all they wanted; this wasn't a time to be trying to push himself. Seated in the chair she wheeled him into Erin's room and left him. He propelled himself the last couple of meters, to the head of Erin's bed.

Erin was curled up on her side, her arms wrapped around a pillow. The sight made him smile; this was how he was used to seeing Erin sleep. For a minute he sat back and just watched her but his need to touch her was strong, after a while he reached out and brushed some hair out her face. She opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"Hey, Jay," she said in a sleepy almost dreamy voice. She held out her hand for him and their fingers intertwined with each other. She pulled him closer to her and placed their hands on her pillow, the side of her face rested against them and she smiled. For a while they just stared at each other, Erin was trying to take in all of Jay, see how bad he was hurt now. "You look okay," she finally said to him, "I was so scared they were going to kill you."

"It'll take more than a couple psychos to kill me," Jay said trying to make Erin smile, she squeezed her eyes shut and tears ran out. "I was scared they wouldn't find you, and then I was scared you wouldn't pull through."

"You can't get rid of me that easy," Erin whispered. She blinked back tears, not bothering to wipe them away. She couldn't find the words to describe how she was feeling, she felt like there was a big weight pressing down on her but at the same time she was so relieved to be safe and have Jay with her. "Stay with me a while," she asked him, as she tried to pull him closer.

"I'll stay as long as I can," Jay told her, he ran his hand through her hair and she closed her eyes. At some point the grip on his hand loosened as she fell asleep. He hoped she was sleeping well, and her head wasn't full of terrifying dreams. He kept his eyes open, watching her sleep, he was too scared to let sleep come to him that easy.

* * *

 **AN: Thank you everyone leaving reviews. It truly is keeping me motivated to keep writing/posting updates, please keep it up. :-)**


	8. Chapter 8

Voight stood back as the SWAT team surrounded the abandoned warehouse they'd decided was the most likely place Erin and Jay had been held. The building was almost in the centre of the triangle made by their abduction site, and the two dump sights, but it didn't quite fit with Erin's description. Hank wasn't sure they were in the right spot, the place he wanted to try was outside the triangle though and he had been voted down by the FBI. He hoped they were right, he wanted to find the place, find another piece of evidence they could run down all the way to the people.

Through his ear piece he could hear they were ready, he lifted his gun and began making his way forward, they were at the main exit, the most obvious and therefore the least likely place they would try to run from. Through the ear piece he could hear them yelling 'Clear!' as every room was checked. By the time he reached the front doors they were sure the place was empty, he lowered his gun without putting it away and walked the rest of the way inside.

Inside it smelt like bleach and acid, the last people here had done some serious cleaning. A shiver ran through him at the thought of what they might have done. He kept walking deeper into the building, until the only light was from the torches everyone was carrying. At the centre of the building he almost walked straight into the back of one of the agents.

"This is it," the young agent said. Hank looked up and his stomach twisted, the room was clean, there wasn't a single drop of visible blood but the smell was strong, and the furniture matched exactly what Erin had said. He looked away before he could start picturing Erin being assaulted in the room.

"Roll the crime lab," one of the agents said into their radio. Voight looked up to see the woman who was in charge coming up behind him. "We've got it from here Voight," she told him, "head back to the station we'll meet you there when we're done."

"Yep, okay," he said walking back out the building, they weren't there, he didn't need to stay.

…

Ruzek hit download on the lab reports for Erin and Jay. He was hoping there would be something useful in them but the short conversation he'd had over the phone with the technician suggested it was most likely a dead end. The DNA found on their bodies belonged only to them. He was going to read the report anyway and compare it to the New York file; he kept thinking maybe if he looked at them together he'd find something. He was just as frustrated as everyone else with how slow the case was moving.

He spread the files out next to each other and began reading, at the start of the second page he found something. "Holy shit," he said staring at Lindsay's DNA profile next to the New York woman's. He was no scientist but he knew the basics of reading the profiles. He picked up the two pages and raced out the station, he was going to visit his scientist friend.

…

There was no one at the district when Hank arrived back there. He knew most of his team was down at the warehouse but he'd expected to find Ruzek there. He'd tasked him with reviewing the New York file again, he was sure there was something they were missing. The file was spread out across his desk but he was nowhere to be seen. He was about to try calling him when he heard footsteps running up the stairs.

"Sarge, I found something," he said as he reached the top of the stairs, a massive grin on his face.

"What?" Hank asked.

"Lindsay and the New York woman," he began, "they're sisters."

"What?" Hank asked, a look of shear disbelief crossing his face, he didn't believe what he was hearing, Erin didn't have a sister. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Ruzek said handing him the pages he was holding, "I just took the profiles down to the lap, the technician confirmed it."

Hank stared down at the pages in his hands, there was no doubt in the results, Erin and this woman shared the same father. "Good job," he said turning to walk back to his office, he grabbed his jacket, grabbed his keys. "Let the team and New York know. Make sure New York are following this up. I'm going to talk to Bunny."

"Yes, sarge," Ruzek said as Voight ran down the stairs. He was smiling to himself, he couldn't help thinking he might have found the piece of information to crack the case open.

…

"Who's Erin's father?" Hank almost yelled as he stormed into Bunny's bar. The two men drinking at the bar looked up at him before moving as far away as they could.

"Hank," Bunny said, an annoyed expression across her face, "what are you doing here?"

"Erin's father?" he asked again, taking his voice from a yell to a low level growl, "who is he?"

"I told you Hank I don't know," she said walking towards him, "now calm down you're scaring my customers away."

"Screw your customers," he said coming to stand against the bar, "who is he?"

"I don't know," Bunny said again, "I honestly thought it was Jimmy but you I had to go run that paternity to test and prove otherwise."

"Think," he said losing a degree of his hostility, "it's important."

"I don't know," she said again, "you remember what I was like back then. It could have been Randy, or Johnny, Franco. I have no clue Hank."

He let out an exasperated sigh, the way the conversation was going didn't surprise him, it was always like this with Bunny. He pulled out his notebook and a pen, slammed them down on the bar, "I want a list, every man who could possibly be Erin's father."

Bunny signed and picked up the pen, "what's this all about Hank?" she asked, "Why do you suddenly care so much about who Erin's father is?"

He wanted to be annoyed at Bunny for not knowing what was going on but no one had bothered to tell her, his short trip earlier in the week hadn't really conveyed the seriousness of what had happened. There was a reason for that, he didn't want Bunny around but now with everything happening telling her would be the easy way out.

"Because I think he might be the person who hurt her."

"Hurt her?" Bunny looked at him confused, "is that why she's in the hospital?"

"Yes," Hank sighed, "keep writing the list."

Bunny shook her head and added a few more names, "What makes you think he's the one who did it?"

"There was a couple in New York who were hurt the exact same way. The woman was Erin's sister; it's too much of a coincidence to ignore."

"Oh," Bunny nodded, not even acting surprised that Erin had a sibling she didn't even know about, she added a few more names to the list. "How is Erin?" she cautiously asked, "I haven't been to see her. I don't know if she'd even want to see me."

"She only woke up this morning," Hank told her, "She's pretty traumatised by it all but I think she'll be okay, give her a few days and then maybe go see her."

"Okay," Bunny nodded adding more names to the page. "You gonna find this guy?"

"I'll find him," Hank nodded, patting the side of his jacket where his gun was strapped.

Bunny added two more names to the list, "you better," she said handing him the paper. "That's all I can think of. It has to be one of those guys."

Hank looked down at the page, two dozen names were written on it including his own. At another time he might have said something snarky but not right now. He remembered what Bunny was like back then; she was an addict doing everything she could to stay alive including selling her body. He wasn't about to judge her for her distant past, she gave him plenty of fresh ammunition for judgment. He shook his head and stood up.

"I'll be in touch if I have any more question," he told her before turning to walk out the door.

"Keep me posted," Bunny said after him.

He acknowledged her call with little more than a grunt. He was already flipping his mind to the list of names. Half of them he recognised, and none of those guys looked like a good fit for the purp.

* * *

 **AN: So the case has developed a little more. I hope you like where I'm taking this. My intention is to try and post a new chapter about once a week, please keep leaving the reviews, I truly do appreciate them and they make me want to keep posting.**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Sorry life has just got really busy again, these updates might have to slow down a bit. Thanks for the reviews, please continue to leave them. :-)**

* * *

Back at the district Voight gave Bunny's list of names to Olinsky and Ruzek and told them to follow them up. He wanted to know where every one of them had been for the past few weeks. He also asked about the New York case, the mother over there didn't know who her daughter's father was either. She'd always thought it was her boyfriend at the time but a paternity test ran earlier in the year had proven that assumption incorrect. Her list had only six names on it, none of which matched the names on Bunny's list.

Hank had a sinking feeling the man they were looking for wasn't on either list. He knew what Bunny was like back then; it wasn't uncommon for her to go on benders where she wouldn't remember days at a time. It was possible Erin's father was someone she didn't even remember meeting. The thought made him shudder and feel a little sorry for her but not nearly as bad as he felt for Erin. With his team off chasing up the new leads he picked up his jacket and headed back to the hospital.

When he arrived at the hospital Erin was asleep, he sat with her for half an hour hoping she might wake up. He thought she should know what was going on but he didn't want to wake her, when she was asleep she looked at peace, when she was awake he was afraid of the pain he'd see in her eyes. He hadn't had a chance to talk to her yet but that could wait until tomorrow. He left the hospital again and went back to the station.

At the district everyone was heads down working, chasing up all the new leads Erin had given them from her interview, and from the lab reports. Voight went to his office and took off his jacket; sitting on his desk was a copy of Erin's interview. He hadn't expected them to give it to him so fast, he hadn't been planning on watching it tonight, but now it was there he couldn't not watch it.

He stepped out the office, went to the kitchen area and poured himself a big mug of coffee. He told his team not to disturb him unless they had something important to say and went back to his office, closed the door, and loaded the interview onto his computer. With a pen and paper handy he sat back and watched.

The camera showed Erin sitting up in a hospital bed; the medical paraphernalia was visible around her. The camera had been set up just behind the agent; it made it look like Erin was looking into the camera but it wasn't the camera she was focused on.

As she began to talk he watched the emotions move through her eyes, pain, fear, anger, they all moved through at various times. He wanted so much to take her in his arms and hold her, to tell her she was safe, that he wouldn't let this happen to her again but for now she was just a face on his computer screen. As the interview went on, the deeper his pain, anger, and resolve went. It made his blood run cold hearing Erin describe what had happened to her. Multiple times he had to stop the tape just so he could pull himself together. This was fast becoming one of the worse cases he'd ever worked, and that wasn't just because Erin was one of the victims.

By the time the tape finished it was very late at night, everyone else had gone home for the evening. Hank walked through the empty station and through the back door to his car. He didn't want to go home though, not to his big empty house, instead he drove back to the hospital. He talked them into letting him into Erin's room on the condition he didn't try to wake her. He was okay with that, he sat in the chair and watched her sleep until fatigue finally took hold of him and he drifted off.

…

Erin woke to the sound of someone fussing around her, a machine beeped, her eyes flew open and her heart rate suddenly spiked. She started thrashing around, an uncontrollable fear gripping her. The machines stared beeping more.

Hank woke to the sound of the wailing machine. His eyes went straight to Erin and he knew exactly what was happening. He was on his feet and at her side in a second. "Erin, it's Hank, I'm here, you're safe." He said grabbing her hand and kneeling down at eye level with her, "you're safe, I'm here," he said running the other hand over her forehead and through her hair. It took a few seconds for her to see him, for her eyes to focus on his face but as soon as she did she started to calm down. She stopped thrashing and her heart rate stopped increasing.

Hank's voice brought Erin back to reality, back to the present. She focused on his face while she tried to get the rest of her body to calm down. When she'd woken she'd though she was back there, that feeling of fear couldn't be shaken so easily.

"I'm here, you're safe," he kept telling her, "just breath."

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"That's it," he told her, "it's okay, I know what happened."

He kept reassuring her until she was calm, until the panic attack was finally over. "I know what happened," he told her, "I watched your interview tape." She nodded slowly at him, "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

She nodded again, taking in another big deep breath. She wasn't surprised Hank had seen the tape, and she didn't mind that he had. It was nice to know he knew what had happened without her having to go through it again. She let the breath out slowly and tried to smile.

"Don't tell Jay," she said after a moment, "it's better if he doesn't know."

"I won't tell him," Hank told her, "but he's going to want to know."

"I know," she sighed, "but I don't want him to. It's better if he doesn't know what happened. I don't want him to have to carry that around."

Hank nodded, he could completely follow Erin's logic but he knew it wouldn't be that simple, "he's going to find out eventually."

"Not if I can help it," she said, "he doesn't need to know."

"No he doesn't need to," Hank agreed, "but it's not going to be easy keeping it from him."

"I know," she sighed again, "none of this is going to be easy."

For a while they sat in silence, Erin focusing squarely on breathing. Hank trying to process what had just happened and work out how to tell Erin about the developments from yesterday. Finally she broke the silence.

"Have you found them yet?" she asked.

"Not yet," Hank sighed, "but we're getting closer."

"Okay," Erin nodded she knew these things could take time but she wanted it to be over.

"We think we might know who it was, kind of," Hank told her. She turned her head to look at him, her curiosity peaking.

"Who?" she asked.

"Your father," he told her. She looked back at him confused, her mouth dropped, that was the last thing she was expecting to hear.

"My father?" she asked, "why do you think that?"

"There was another couple abducted in New York," he told her, "their injuries were the same, we thought it was same purps. It turns out she's your sister."

"What?" Erin asked, it was early in the morning and her mind was quickly filling with too much information. "I don't have a sister."

"Half-sister," Hank added for clarification, "you had the same father."

"Oh," what she was hearing was hitting her hard and fast. The made up illusion of who her father might be was shattered into a million pieces. "Who is he?"

"We don't know yet," Hank sighed, "but we're narrowing it down."

"Okay," Erin said taking in another deep breath, she held it for a moment and let it out slowly, "okay." She didn't know what else to say, it was worse knowing the man was likely her father. It was easier thinking the attack had been random; knowing it was targeted changed everything.

"Are you okay?" Hank asked her.

"No," she said shaking her head, "I want to go back to sleep. Can you see if they can get me something to help me go back to sleep?"

"Sure," he said running his hand through her hair again. If she wanted to sleep this away he wasn't going to try and stop her, there would be a time and place to force her to confront everything but that time wasn't now. "I'll be right back."

Alone in her hospital room Erin rolled onto her side and curled into a ball. She wasn't coping nearly as well as she'd have the others believe. When Hank came back with one of her doctors she answered all their questions until they agreed to give her something to help her sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Entering the hospital Bunny looked around for someone to tell her where to go. She didn't like hospitals, she didn't really want to be there but her daughter was there, and she was trying to be a better mother. Visiting her daughter in hospital was the right thing to do. In her hands she held a bunch of flowers, mixed blooms in a bunch of colours, she didn't know what flowers Erin liked, or even what colour. She had flowers because that's what you brought to visit people in hospital. She found a sign which pointed to information; she asked a woman behind the desk if she knew which room Erin was in.

Walking to the ICU Bunny began wondering what was wrong with Erin, she knew enough to know only really sick people were in the ICU, but Hank had said she'd been fine, that she was just a bit traumatized and cut up. She wasn't expecting to be going up to the ICU. She began wondering if she'd made a mistake coming to visit.

At the entrance to the ward she had to ask for directions again, and then waited to be let in. They told her she wasn't allowed to bring the flowers in, she tried to argue but they shot her down real quick. Leave the flowers behind or don't come in, she left the flowers behind.

…

Jay sat in Erin's room, he had a dark blue zip up sweat shirt on over the top of his hospital gown, and a dark blue blanket covered his legs. Across his lap sat a laptop, he was determined to spend as much time as he could researching their situation, he had no intention of just sitting down and letting what happened to them ruin their lives. Erin was asleep; she slept almost constantly, waking up only just long enough to answer the doctors' questions. He was worried about her, though everyone else seemed to think her reactions still fell into the definition of 'normal' given what had happened.

He wasn't expecting anyone to be stopping by the hospital, not until the evening so he was surprised when a nurse came and asked him if it was okay for a Bunny Fletcher, to come in.

"Yeah," he'd said without too much thought. It wasn't until after the nurse had left that he had second thoughts. Bunny wasn't easy to deal with at the best of times and this was far from the best of times. There was a gentle knock on the door and Bunny pushed it open.

…

Bunny was expecting Erin's room to be empty; she'd been preparing herself for some time alone with her daughter. There were things she wanted to try and say to her, things which a mother should say to their daughter which she was never any good at saying. Seeing Jay sitting there threw her.

"Jay," she said in an exclamation of surprise.

He looked up at her from his laptop and smiled slightly, "Hello Bunny," he said with a tone of formality, "I wasn't expecting to see you."

"Yeah, well Erin's my daughter," she said getting immediately defensive, "I'm allowed to visit my daughter."

"Yes, you are," Jay said wanting to take some of the tension out of the room, he didn't want Bunny waking Erin up. "You can sit with her if you want," he said pointing to a chair on the other side of the bed, "just don't wake her up. She gets a bit stressed if you wake her up."

"Okay," Bunny nodded, she moved over to the empty chair and sat down. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do after that. Jay didn't seem inclined to talk; his eyes were already back on his computer. She couldn't remember the last time she'd sat and watched Erin sleep, maybe she'd never done it but that's what she found herself doing. She watched her slow steady breathing and tried to read the expressions crossing her face. For the most part she looked content, at peace. She wanted to reach out and touch her but she was afraid to wake her up. Instead she began cataloguing her appearance; the side of her face she could see was red, with peeling skin. A piece of bandage tape ran along her jaw line. Her hands stuck out from under the blankets, taped to the back of both of them were IV leads, dripping clear liquids into her body. The rest of her body was covered in blankets; she didn't notice the amputation.

Jay kept one eye on his computer and one eye on Bunny, he didn't try and engage her in conversation, talking over Erin was a sure fire way to wake her up, he didn't want to do that but he also didn't really want to have a conversation with Bunny. The minutes slowly ticked past, Bunny sat there in silence, he did research on his computer. Bunny finally left before Erin woke up, Jay let out a sigh of relief.

…

Hank made his way back to the hospital in the late afternoon early evening. He'd been having a frustrating day at the district. One by one the men on Bunny's list were being ruled out as suspects. There were only three names left, names he didn't recognise and couldn't be found in the system. It was driving him nuts not having the answers he wanted, he was used to cases moving much faster than this but when things want to move fast they rarely did.

Jay was in Erin's room, sitting in a wheelchair when he arrived, a laptop across his legs. Erin was curled up on her side sleeping.

"How are you going?" Hank asked beginning his routine of small talk.

"Good," Jay said looking up from his screen; it was an automatic response, not a true reflection of how he was really going. "You?"

"Alright," Hank shrugged, "how's Erin been today?"

"Same," Jay said, a serious tone coming into his voice, "they managed to get her to do a little bit of physical therapy but other than that all she's done is sleep."

"Right," Hank shook his head, he wanted Erin to be better, he wanted her to act stronger than she was. He'd hoped she'd be more like Jay, but she seemed to be truly broken. "Do you mind if I have some alone time with her?" he asked walking to the head of Erin's bed. With the back of his hand he caressed the side of her face, she didn't even react to his touch.

"Sure," Jay said closing the laptop, "if she wakes up let her know I was here."

"Will do," Hank nodded, he watched Jay wheel himself out the room.

Alone he turned back to Erin; he watched her sleep and began debating with himself if he should wake her up. He was leaning towards 'not to' when the door opened again. The evening meals had arrived. A woman carrying the try came into the room, followed by a nurse. The nurse smiled at the site of him.

"I'm glad you're here," she said, "do you think you could try and get her to eat? The doctors reckon they'll need to put a feeding tube in if she doesn't start eating more."

"It's that bad?" he asked looking down at Erin.

"Not yet," the nurse smiled, "but it will get that way."

"Right," Hank nodded, his attention now turning to the food Erin had been given. It wasn't terrible but it didn't look all that good either.

He took a deep breath, his decision made for him. He was waking Erin up. He crouched down so he was at eye level with her and he took hold of her shoulder. "Erin, it's Hank," he said gently shaking her, "you need to wake up, dinner's here." In his hand he felt her body tense, he watched the monitors, her heart rate started to increase. "Erin you're in the hospital, you're safe, they can't hurt you." He told her, keeping his voice level and as soothing as possible.

…

Erin woke to an instantons feeling of panic; it was completely involuntary, and absolutely terrifying. Hank's voice broke through the fear, "you're safe," she heard him say and she began trying to get the fear to subside. It wasn't easy; she opened her eyes, locked in on Hank. He smiled at her and stroked the top of her head. "I'm here," he kept telling her, "breath with me." She did her best to breath with him and slowly the attack began to subside.

"I'm okay," she finally said.

Hank let out a sigh of relief, he still found Erin's panic attacks unnerving, he couldn't begin to imagine what they were like for her.

"Why'd you wake me?"

"Dinner's here, you need to eat."

"Oh," she pulled her blanket up tighter around her, "I'm not hungry." She didn't want to eat, the thought of eating made her feel sick.

"That doesn't matter," Hank said stroking her head again, "you need to eat. I'm going to sit the bed up."

He began adjusting the bed and she rolled over onto her back. The try of food sat there in front of her, none of it looked appealing. "I don't want it," she said pushing the try away, "I'm not hungry."

Hank shook his head, he wasn't surprised Erin was like this, but he wished she wasn't. "Erin," he said reaching for the try and pulling it back towards her, "it doesn't matter if you're not hungry, you still need to eat."

"No," she pushed the try away again, "I can't, I don't feel well." She rolled over again so her back was to him and pulled up her blanket. She felt Hank place a hand on her shoulder.

"Erin," he said gently trying to roll her back over, "maybe eating something will help. The doctors say you haven't been eating, that they'll need to put a feeding tube in if you don't start eating more." She didn't say anything but she slowly rolled back over, sat up straight and pulled the try towards her. She picked up the spoon and with a shaking hand took a sip of the soup. A lump formed in the back of her throat as she tried to swallow, she forced the soup down and lay back against the bed. "Good," Hank said smiling at her, "but you need to eat more than that."

She took a deep breath and turned to look at him. "I can't do this," she told him.

He reached for the spoon and picked it up, "let me help," he said but she pushed his hand away.

"It's not just that Hank, it's everything," she said her voice shaking; "you should have let me die."

"Erin," he didn't know what else to say, his heart broke for her, "I could never do that. If you were me you couldn't do that either."

"I'm sorry," she closed her eyes and tears ran down her face, "I know you want me to be better but I can't do this."

"You can," he said standing up, "let me help." He sat on the edge of her bad and helped her slid over until he was seated beside her, "you're not alone." He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close to his side. For a while they just sat there, Erin trying to put herself back in order. Hank didn't get it, she'd tried to open up to him but she couldn't find the words to truly describe to him how she felt. She didn't know how to live with what had happened, if the doctors told her she had a week to live, she would smile, she didn't want to be alive but she cared too much about Hank and Jay to end it herself. They needed her to be better so she'd put back on the happy face, and eat her dinner.


	11. Chapter 11

Jay was terrified of sleeping, since the first nightmare he'd had, the one where the woman was cutting Erin, every one of his dreams had been filled with images from those two days. Not a lot of images, it was the same thing over and over but that didn't make it any easier. The look of fear in Erin's eyes was what got to him, that and his inability to do anything about it.

He stayed awake as much as he could, he tried to talk to Erin but she didn't want to talk to him, all she wanted to do was sleep. At times he wished he could find sleep as easy as her, it would be nice to sleep all this away he thought, but sleep wasn't on the cards for him. Instead he filled his days with researching life as an amputee, so far the information he was finding was promising, the blogs and news stories he was finding from people all seemed to have the same message, life goes on and recovery was possible. He even found stories about other cops who'd lost legs and gone back to active duty. It gave him hope that his life and Erin's weren't completely fucked, that they would be able to get through this. He was motivated to get better, to heal, he was excited about starting rehab, he just hoped he could get Erin motivated enough to go along with him.

…

Erin was sitting up in bed; she'd been conscious for over a week now and had been transferred out of the ICU a few days ago. She was now sharing a room with Jay which was nice, she liked being close to him, though sometimes she wished she could be alone. Jay was worried about her which was sweet but also suffocating. He thought she should talk about what had happened but she didn't want to talk about what had happened.

He had dual reasons for wanting her to talk; one was his genuine belief that talking about things made them better; the other was his desire to know what happened. He didn't remember anything which didn't surprise her, he'd been unconscious most of the time, she remembered everything. She wanted to forget but forgetting wasn't easy. The only time she could get the images from her head was when she was sleeping, if she took sleeping pills, without the pills she had horrible vivid dreams but with them her world went blank. When she was awake it was the same, the images and thoughts constantly running through her mind, pain killers numbed them, she spent as much time as she could sleeping or medicated. At times she would lie about the amount of pain she was in, she'd tell them the phantom pain in her right leg was excruciating, it hurt, but not nearly as much as she suggested it did.

Now was one of those times Jay was trying to get her to talk.

"What are you thinking about Erin?" he asked her as casually as he could.

"I'm not thinking about anything," she lied.

"You're thinking about something," he said back to her, "I know that look on your face."

"Oh," she let out a sigh, "I was thinking about the future." Not exactly the truth but close enough, "about what's going to happen next."

Jay smiled at her, "I've been thinking about that too," he told her, "I think we're going to be okay."

"Yeah," she let out another sigh, okay was a relative word, "they still haven't caught the people who hurt us."

"They will," he offered, "Voight's not going to let them get away."

"But what if they don't. There are some people even Voight can't find."

"I don't know," Jay sighed, "I guess we just learn to live with it."

"Learn to live with it?" She hated that sentence, she'd had people telling it to her a lot these last few days and she understood why they kept saying it but it didn't help her feel better. There were a lot of things she was going to have to learn to live with but she didn't want that to be one of them. "I'm sick of people saying that."

"I know," Jay smiled, "but what else are they supposed to say."

"Nothing," Erin offered, "I hate this!"

"I know," Jay smiled, "I hate this too but unless you're planning on killing yourself, which I really don't want you to do, we need to learn to live with what has happened."

"That's easy for you to say," she retorted, "you don't remember what happened."

"I didn't say it would be easy Erin," Jay responded, "It is going to be bloody difficult but we don't have any other choice." She looked at him, annoyance and frustration all over her face. "I hate that you remember what happened Erin and I don't. I wish I could swap places with you, I wish I could take that pain away from you but I can't. I'm sorry." She looked back at him; he could see the fatigue in her eyes. She was hurting in ways he could only imagine.

"I'm tired," she said after a while, "I don't want to talk anymore." She rolled over so her back was to him, the conversation over.

Silently Erin cried, she didn't like fighting with Jay but sometimes he just pushed her buttons, even when he was trying to be nice. She was so tired; there were times when she didn't know if she wanted to keep going. Nothing was ever going to be like it was.

…

 _A few weeks later_

…

Things at the district were getting tense. No one wanted to put Erin and Jay's case on hold, but new cases were coming in and pressure was building from above that they needed to put it on the back burner, let the FBI run with it on their own. No one was willing to do that yet though, they were getting close to IDing the man and women and finding them, they were sure there was just one piece of information missing.

So far they'd found two other pairs of victims, one in Detroit, and another in Cleveland. Ruzek had tasked himself with reviewing the files again; none of the victims had any idea who the biological fathers were or how was he identifying them. It seemed like too much of a stretch to think he'd been keeping tabs on all his children for so long. Nothing in any of the woman's records showed an overlap of men entering their lives. He was reading the interviews with the mothers again hoping something would fall out, that he could spot something everyone else had missed…then he found it.

Every mother had provided a list of names, they'd all said "I'd always thought it was 'so and so' but a paternity test ran a few weeks/months ago said it wasn't".

"Olinsky, I think I found something," Ruzek said sounding genuinely excited. Olinsky lifted his head from the paper he was reading and nodded for him to continue, "They all had paternity tests run. In the weeks leading up to the abductions, they had a paternity test. I think that's how he's finding them."

"Let me see," Olinsky held out his hand, Ruzek handed the file over. For minutes they sat there Ruzek, watching Olinsky read the file for himself. Eventually he looked up at him and smiled. "I think you're on to something," he told him, "give our FBI friends a phone call."

Ruzek smiled, they were on to something again, the case had a new round of traction.

* * *

 **AN: So that was just a little bit to keep the story moving. A big thank you to the two people who left the reviews last time, they are much appreciated and this is for you. If you'd like to see more please let me know. :-)**


	12. Chapter 12

Ruzek walked with an extra bounce in his step as he made his way through the hospital to Erin and Jay's room. It had been a few days since he'd visited them, he didn't like going there if he didn't have some news to give them. They always asked how the case was going, if they'd found them yet. He hated having to tell them no. At least this time he had something to report. He'd already got in touch with the FBI, they were chasing up who the paternity test providers were for the interstate cases, he was on his way to ask Jay about the one he ordered.

He knocked on the door before stepping inside, Erin was asleep in the bed closest to the door, Jay was standing by the window staring out into the city. He began turning around slowly at the sound of the door opening.

"Adam," Jay said at the site of his friend. Using crutches he began to make his way forward.

"You're on your feet," Adam smiled, realising what he'd said the second the words were out his mouth. "Sorry man," he said trying to correct himself. "It's just you're out of bed, and standing."

"It's okay," Jay smiled while continuing to close the gap between them, "are you going to come over here or make me come all way to you?"

"Oh right," Adam finished crossing the room and gave his friend a welcoming hug. "How are you doing?"

"Good," Jay said while lowering himself into a chair, "the doctor's reckon we'll be getting out of here in a few days."

"Really? That's great!" Adam smiled genuinely happy for his friend, "any word on when you'll be back at work? We miss you guys down there."

"Nah," Jay said letting out a sigh, "that's a long way off. We haven't even got a meeting with the medical review board yet."

"Oh, too bad," Adam sighed before remembering why he was there, "we got another break on the case today," he offered, "we think we know how he found you."

"How?" Jay asked sitting up in the chair.

"The paternity test."

At those words Jay's mouth dropped, Erin had been blaming herself for what happened, it was her father who'd abducted them but it wasn't her fault at all, it was his. The realisation made him feel sick, Erin hadn't wanted the test, he'd done it behind her back.

"All the women had a negative paternity test run in the weeks or months leading up to the abduction," Adam finished.

"Wow," Jay said not being able to find any other word. His mind was spinning.

"What provider did you use to run the test?" Adam began asking, "I need all the information you can give me. We haven't IDed them yet but we're getting close."

"I can't remember the name," Jay said shaking his head, "the information is in my desk though, back of the filing cabinet."

"Yeh no worries, I'll go get," Adam said taking down notes. He hadn't noticed the look of horror cross Jay's face but now he could see something was wrong. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"It's all my fault," Jay said in a hushed voice, "I ran the test, I thought I was protecting her."

"You couldn't have known," Adam offered trying to comfort his friend.

"I should have listened to her," he shook his head, and balled his hand into a fist; he slammed it hard against the arm of the chair. "I hate this."

"I know," Adam offered never feeling more inadequate as a friend. He didn't know what he was supposed to say, then his radio crackled, he'd never been more glad to be called away to a crime scene.

…

With Adam gone Jay stood up again and walked out the room, he couldn't face Erin now, not until he'd worked out what he was going to say to her. He was getting good at moving around on the crutches, he still moved slowly and had to think about turning but he could get around on his own. He loved the freedom that gave him, he took an elevator to one of the top floors of the hospital, they had a large balcony with an outdoor garden. He sat down in one of the chairs and began processing.

…

Erin woke to the sound of Jay and Adam talking. Her body immediately started going into state of panic, she took a deep breath trying to steady herself, to stop the attack before it became too much for her to handle. She wasn't much good at it yet, stopping the panic attacks that was but she'd spent a big chunk of the morning talking to a psychiatrist about coping techniques.

"It's just Jay and Adam," she said to herself, successfully getting her heart rate to slow down before anyone noticed. Jay and Adam hadn't realised she'd woken up; she kept her eyes closed and listened to what they were saying. She heard Adam tell Jay about the paternity tests, she heard the crack in Jay's voice as he realised what he'd done. She heard Adam leave but she still kept her eyes closed. She wasn't ready to talk to Jay, she couldn't give him the comfort he needed, she was mad at him. She knew it wasn't his fault, that those words were what he needed to hear but she could follow his same twisted logic and get to the same place. If he'd never ordered the test this wouldn't have happened.

…

Jay spent over an hour sitting outside thinking. He knew he needed to tell Erin, if he didn't tell her someone else would and it would only cause more problems between them. He really didn't want to have that conversation with Erin; they'd fought so much about the paternity test when he'd got it run, now to add this to the mix. It broke his heart to think of all the mistakes he'd made, all the trauma he'd caused.

He made his way slowly back to the room hoping he'd find Erin asleep, but it was dinner time and Erin was sitting up in bed eating.

"Where have you been?" she asked him as he came in the room.

"Up to the garden," he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Garden?" she asked giving him a curious look.

"Yeah, the hospital has this garden on one of the upper levels," he smiled, "Will showed it to me. After dinner we should both go up there. The fresh air is really nice."

"I don't know," the look on Erin's face said it all, he could tell she didn't really want to go, "it's been a big day."

"And you're tired," Jay smiled finishing her sentence, "you're always tired. Have a think about it while we eat."

He finished crossing the room and climbed onto his bed. He lent his crutches against the cabinet and pulled his food tray towards him. The hospital food was average, not terrible but nothing to get too excited about either. Today they had a pumpkin soup, with a bread roll, steamed vegetables, lemon chicken, and chocolate mousse for dessert. Jay finished eating first; Erin was taking a long time to do everything at the moment including eating.

"How's dinner?" he asked trying to start a light conversation.

"Okay," Erin shrugged, putting a piece of broccoli in her mouth. Her face screwed up as she bit down on the vegetable, and a small shudder ran through her body.

"They over cooked the veg again didn't they," Jay smiled.

"Is that what that was?" Erin said trying to smile, "I thought it was some green slime."

"It may as well be," Jay said almost laughing, "the chocolate mousse is good."

She pushed aside the vegetables and picked up the dessert. He watched as she slowly ate the dessert, it was as if she wanted to taste every single mouth full, he didn't interrupt her, he liked seeing her appear almost happy. When she was finished he smiled.

"Good hey?"

"Yeah," she said nodding her head, "best thing on the plate. I can't wait until we get out of here, and we can eat some real food."

"Just a few more days," Jay smiled, "speaking of which, we should really go for that walk. The physical therapist said he wanted you practicing getting around on the crutches."

Erin sighed, "how far away is it?" the idea of getting up and walking around didn't appeal to her, she didn't want to exercise but Jay was right, she needed the practice.

"Not too far, I promise," Jay smiled, "I'll even help you." He pushed his dinner try aside, and swang his legs over the end of the bed. He slid his arms into his crutches and pushed himself up. By the time he reached Erin she'd got as far as sitting on the edge of the bed. Her crutches just out of reach. He helped by passing them to her one at a time, she slipped them on her arms and gave him a half smile as she slid off the bed. It took her a moment to get her balance then she was ready to go.

"Okay lets go," she said and they began to move off together.

…

On the way to the garden they barely talked, Erin was spending all her energy on making sure she didn't fall over. The crutches didn't come naturally to her, and she'd lost a lot of muscle strength over the last few weeks. Jay made it look easy, but then he made everything look easy.

"How far away is it?" she asked as they exited the elevator and began making their way down a nondescript corridor.

"Just down here," Jay pointed, as they turned left down another short corridor, at the end through the double doors they could see the garden.

Erin let out a steadying breath, she was getting tired quickly now, but the end was in sight. At the end of the corridor Jay hit the automatic release and the doors swung open. The garden was pretty, nothing too exciting but far nicer than anything else they'd seen at the hospital.

"There is a bench we can sit on over there," Jay said pointing to the far side of the garden.

"Okay," Erin said taking in another deep breath. By the time they reached the bench she was exhausted. She flopped onto the bench and Jay sat down beside her. Instinctively she slid up beside him and he put his arm around her.

"It's nice up here isn't it," Jay said, staring at the view of the city.

"Yeah," Erin said fighting an urge to fall asleep.

For a while they just sat there staring out into the city, finally Erin asked, "Why did we come out here?"

"I thought it would be nice," Jay said which was half the truth.

"Is that all?" Erin asked, she twisted her head to look up at him this time and he could see in her eyes she knew there was more.

He took a deep breath and began telling her the rest, "Ruzek came by earlier today, they think they know how they found us."

At those words he felt Erin's body tense a little; she was always a bit edgy when talking about what happened. "How?" she asked.

"The paternity test," he said with a sigh, "they haven't worked out how yet but it's the one other thing that links all of us together." Erin nodded but she didn't say anything, "I'm sorry," he continued, "this wasn't your fault, it was mine."

He felt Erin take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He wanted her to say something to him, anything but she stayed silent. "I'm sorry," he said again, "this is all my fault."

"Stop saying that," she said, her voice barely louder than a whisper, "you couldn't have known this would happen."

"I know but still…"his voice trailed off, not knowing what to say next.

Erin's mind was being pulled in a dozen different directions. She wanted to be angry, she wanted to blame him but she knew that wasn't healthy in the long run, she needed him. "I don't want to fight with you," she finally said.

"I don't want to fight either," Jay said pulling her closer.

"I can't talk to you about what happened," she said quietly, "I know you want me to, but I can't. I can't go back there, I spend every minute of the day trying not to go back there."

"Okay," Jay said, "when you're ready."

"What if I'm never ready?"

"That'll be okay," he said but she didn't really believe his words. "It'll get easier with time."

"I'm tired," she rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes.

He let out a sigh knowing the conversation was over. He'd said what he needed to say but he hadn't got from Erin the one thing he really needed. _It's not your fault;_ he'd needed her to say that, he needed to know she didn't blame him. She'd said he couldn't have known but that wasn't the same thing, she knew he didn't mean for it to happen but it was still his fault.

Within minutes he felt Erin relax completely against him and he knew she was asleep. He felt a little jealous of how easily sleep seemed to come to her.

* * *

 **AN: Thank you for the reviews last time they truly are appreciated and make me want to share more. Please keep leaving them**. :-)


	13. Chapter 13

Going home, the mere idea of it made Erin and Jay for that matter smile. She hated the hospital, the lack of privacy drove her nuts, the food was average, but more significantly it reminded her of the place they'd been held. They were far from the same, the place was really more like a morgue but they'd had them attached to drips and monitors. They recorded the way they reacted to every bit of torture they performed. The hospital wasn't the same but it was nothing like home. Jay just wanted freedom, he felt like a caged rat when all he wanted to do was move around without someone keeping tabs on him.

The day they were finally discharged they were both happy. Erin was most looking forward to her own bed; all she wanted to do was curl under the covers and sleep for hours. Jay wanted to go to the park, or the river, or anywhere that wasn't the hospital really. Going home wasn't quite what either of them were expecting, the hospital wasn't so much behind them as just a place they'd now have to visit several times a week for rehab treatments. The privacy and freedom weren't quite there either, Will insisted on staying with them.

It was almost like being back at the hospital; Will did everything for them and was constantly checking to make sure they were okay. Jay wanted to exercise but spent most of his time watching television, Erin wanted to sleep, and spent most of her time curled up in bed.

After two days though Jay had had enough, "Will," he said cornering his brother, "I know you mean well but we've got this. We can look after ourselves, we don't need you here."

"I was just trying to help."

"I know," Jay smiled, "and we appreciate it but what we need now is some time to ourselves. We need to work out how we're going to do this on our own; you're not always going to be here."

"Okay," Will smiled, in truth he was pleased Jay had finally stood up and said he was ready to be on his own. "I'll head off after lunch. I'm proud of you bro, you're going to be okay."

"Thanks," Jay smiled. In his mind he was already planning his evening with Erin.

…

Their first night home alone together Jay suggested they cook dinner instead of getting take out. Jay was cooking spaghetti and Erin was helping him. It was a learning experience for both of them as nothing was quite as simple as it used to be. Standing at the kitchen bench to cut an onion wasn't quite as easy when they still needed crutches to keep their balance. In the end Erin stood in the corner leaning up against one side of the bench while she cut the vegetables.

Jay was better on one leg, and only really needed one hand to make the sauce most of the time. He was relaxed and as the cooking process went on Erin seemed to relax as well. It was getting close to feeling like old times then he dropped the spoon.

"Drat," he said as it hit the ground with a clang, splashing sauce all over the floor.

"I've got it," Erin said and she bent down without even thinking, halfway down she seemed to realise what she was doing, lost her balance and fell the rest of the way.

Jay looked at her and laughed, "are you okay?" he asked, between chuckles.

"Yeah I'm fine," she said looking at him annoyed, "help me up." She held out her hand for him. He reached down to pull her up but instead she pulled him onto the floor too.

He laughed again and this time Erin laughed with him. It was the first time he'd heard her laugh since the abduction. "Drat," Jay said trying to make Erin laugh more, "aren't we a bunch of uncos."

"That's one way to put it," Erin said looking around trying to work out how she was going to get off the floor. Her eyes spotted the dining room chair first; she crawled along the floor to the chair and used it to pull herself up. It wasn't until she was standing leaning against the dining table that she realised her crutches were on the other side of the room.

"You stuck over there now?" Jay asked still sitting on the floor.

"No," she said steadying herself, before hopping across the room. Jay started laughing again and she smiled big. Standing at the kitchen sink she picked up a dish cloth and threw it down to him, "clean up the floor," she told him before pulling a clean spoon out the draw. "I'm finishing dinner."

She went and stood by the saucepan and began stirring, the sauce was basically finished already. Jay got up on his hands and knees and began wiping up the floor, when he was done he used the kitchen bench to help pull himself up. They finished dinner without any further incidents; they ate in front of the television and watched crappy television together. They laughed more than they had in a long time and when the television show was over, when dinner was cleaned up, they went back to the bedroom.

"Are you sure about this?" Jay asked as he ran his hand down Erin's side and to the bottom of her singlet.

"No," Erin said, placing a hand on his chest, "but keep going."

Their crutches fell to the floor, at first they lent on each other for balance but then they fell down on the bed. They both laughed, as they pulled each other closer and kissed. Jay ran his hand down Erin's body and pulled on the draw string of her shorts.

There was an unspoken apprehension on both their parts, a fear that they wouldn't fit together anymore, that things were too different between but they made it work. For a brief period of time they were able to stop thinking about what had happened to them. They didn't talk about the past, they didn't talk about the future, they just enjoyed the moment.

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading, I've kept this part short because I wanted to keep it light, I hope you've enjoyed it. Please let me know if you want to see more.**


	14. Chapter 14

Being home was good for Erin, the panic attacks she'd been having several times a day at the hospital dropped off almost instantly. It was easier to know she was safe when she was in the place she'd called home for years. She was still very far from okay though. The images of what happened still ran though her head constantly, she still wanted to sleep all day. If Jay wasn't there nagging her to get up and do something she would sleep all day.

Jay had the opposite problem to her, he didn't want to sleep. He was obsessed with keeping busy, with getting moving, exercising, rehabbing. They still hadn't talked to each other about what had happened, Erin flat out refused to and Jay had finally stopped asking. He still wanted to know but he was sick of fighting with Erin every time he tried to bring it up. They were existing in each other's presence, Jay constantly moving, the apartment was spotlessly clean, there was always a meal cooked, Erin sleeping, only moving when she had to, both of them self-medicating.

They both thought the other didn't notice, but they were trained detectives, it was their jobs to notice these things. Erin started with sleeping pills and pain killers all prescribed by her doctors, but she took more than she was supposed to. Jay used his contacts to get what he needed; he was working his way through all the different uppers around, trying to find what worked best for him.

…

Erin sat up in bed, reached for her bottle of pain meds and tipped out the last pill, "shit," she thought looking at it. She reached for the sleeping pills; there was only one of them left too. It was more than a week before she was due to get a refill. She reached for her phone and scrolled through the numbers; she picked one of her CI's and typed out a message.

"We need to talk," she wrote, "where can we meet?"

She was treading a fine line here but she didn't care. Jay was in the living area cleaning again, she could hear the vacuum going. She reached for her crutches and pulled herself out of bed, she needed to get Jay to leave the house, he would ask too many questions if she just said she was going out. Instead she walked out the bedroom and headed straight for the kitchen, she opened the fridge and pulled out a beer, the last beer, she smiled, "easy" she thought.

"Jay are you going out today?" she asked making her way from the kitchen to the lounge. It was a little challenging using the crutches and carrying the beer at the same time but she managed. When she reached the sofa she flopped down, put her legs up and opened the beer.

"Probably," Jay said turning off the vacuum. He was balanced with a crutch in one hand and vacuum in the other, "why, do you want to come out?"

"No," she said not wanting him to think she actually wanted to do something, "we've just ran out of beer."

"Oh," he looked at her shaking his head, "I can get you some more beer. Is there anything else you want?"

She thought for a moment, there were lots of things she wanted but not many Jay could actually get for her, "cheese," she said finally, "and some crackers."

"Okay," he said letting out an almost laugh. He lent the vacuum against the wall and hopped over to her. "I can get you those things, just as soon as you let me have some of your beer."

He pulled the bottle from her hand and took a big gulp. "Hey," she said in mock surprise. He handed the bottle back to her and gave her a kiss.

"I think I might stop by the gym on the way home," he told her, "I'll see you later."

He pulled himself off the couch, grabbed his crutches, and backpack and headed out the door. As soon as he was gone Erin pulled her phone out, her CI had written back. They were to meet below one of the train stations. She quickly finished her beer, grabbed her own backpack and made her way out of the apartment.

…

This was the first time Erin had been outside of the apartment by herself since the abduction. Walking down the street towards the train station her senses were on high alert. A car backfiring a few blocks away sent her heart racing. She thought she should turn around but she wanted the pain killers and sleeping pills more. It took her a long time to make it to the train station, while she could get around on the crutches, she couldn't move fast and this was the most moving she'd done in weeks.

She caught the elevator up to the platform and hopped on the first train to arrive. She caught it three stops before getting off and transferring to another line. Where they were meeting was out of the way but not too out of the way, they'd met there before but always when she needed some intel for a case. Never in her life did she think she would meet them to buy drugs. She'd thought her days of addiction were behind her but then she'd never imagined this happening to her. At her station she stepped off the train and caught the elevator down to ground level, and began making her way behind the pylon.

Her CI, a young man named Marc, was already there. "Lindsay," he called out greeting her, she saw his eyes run up and down her body, "what the hell happened to you?"

"Long story," she said having no interest in going into the details with him, "you carrying?"

"Depends," he said looking at her suspiciously, "what do you want?"

"O's," she said moving closer to him, her voice barely louder than a whisper, "and D's?"

"Wow, you serious?" he asked taking a step back, "you not wearing no wire or recording device?"

"No," she said shaking her head, "I ain't got my badge with me either. This is just between us." She leant against the pylon and swung her bag off one shoulder and around her front. "I can pay you."

He stepped forward, quickly closing the gap between, "put that away," he whispered, "you ain't got to pay me."

"Okay," she said not moving, "what have you got?"

"This," he said pulling out a small bag of white powder.

"You ain't got no pills?" she didn't want powder; she wanted pills she could put back in her bottles and pretend she'd brought at the pharmacy.

"Not on me," he said giving her a smile, "this is what they're all buying now. I can go get pills but it'll take time."

She didn't have time to wait for him to go get stuff and come back, "what is it?" she asked staring at the powder.

"Alphabet soup," he said giving the packet a tap, "my own secret recipe. It'll make you high as a kite and then put you right to sleep."

"Okay," she said taking the packet from his hand, "if I message you again, bring pills."

"Sure thing," he said stepping away from her, "but you won't want pills after you try that."

She slipped the packet into her bag as he walked away from her. She wanted to tell him there wouldn't be a next time but she was sure there would be, she didn't see herself getting off the meds anytime soon, she didn't want to. She liked the feeling of nothingness the meds gave her, she liked feeling numb to the world.

…

Jay still wasn't home when Erin arrived back at the apartment. She was hot and sweaty and exhausted from going out. In normal circumstances she would have gone for a beer but there weren't any. Instead she sat herself down on the sofa and pulled out the small packet of white powder she'd acquired.

It was a nondescript white powder, and she had no idea what was in it. She trusted her CI though; they'd known each other for a long while, if he said it was good, it probably was. She tipped a tiny amount of the powder out onto the back of a loyalty card from her wallet, brought it up to her nose and sniffed. It took seconds for the rush to hit her, a warm gooey feeling ran through her body. She let out a moan; this stuff was good, the hit was better than anything she'd got from the pain meds.

She tipped more of the powder out before putting the packet away in her bag. She didn't want Jay to see it lying around. He would lose his shit if he knew what she was doing; she could just see him now lecturing her, though she knew he was just as bad, almost. She turned the television on, made herself comfortable and then sniffed another dose of the powder. The second hit was better than the first, a deep moan escaped her mouth and a warm feeling completely filled her body. She rolled onto her side and clutched a lap pillow to her chest. Her eyes closed, she was going numb and loving every second of it.

…

Voight crouched down on a roof with a pair of binoculars; he was in a town two hours from Chicago, watching a house just down the street. The intel the FBI had put together over the last twenty four hours said that was the place Erin's father and his woman were living. Dozens of units sat covertly around the streets watching the house, they needed to make sure they were home before they made their move. He'd wanted to be on the ground, he'd wanted to be the one to make the arrest, but he was told his options were to stand back or go home. He wasn't running this operation, and his reputation had spread among the FBI agents in charge. They knew if they let him get closer, the suspects were more likely than not to come out dead. They wanted them alive; they wanted to give them their day in court.

A white van drove down the street and pulled into the driveway, the man and woman stepped out carrying bags of groceries. Over the radio he heard the Commander give the signal, all at once the ground units moved in. It took only a minute for them both to be arrested. Hank let out a sigh of relief and pulled out his phone. He made a call to the district to tell them it had all gone well, and they could go tell Erin and Jay it was over. As much as he wanted to be the one to tell them, he was hours away, and he wanted them to know as soon as possible.

* * *

 **AN: Finally got around to posting some more. This last month has been really busy so haven't had any time to add to my store of chapters. As always I do love seeing some reviews.**


	15. Chapter 15

Jay flicked open the glove box in the car and pulled out the little orange bottles he'd acquired from one of his CIs. More stimulants, more drugs to keep him awake, he plopped two in his mouth and swallowed before dropping the bottle in his backpack, and pulling himself out the car. With the bag on his back he slowly made his way to the back of the car. He popped the truck and busted open the carton of beer. He could only bring up one six pack at a time, that would do for now. He put the beer in his bag and made his way to the elevator and up to their apartment.

Inside Erin was asleep on the sofa, he shook his head but he wasn't surprised, Erin was always sleeping. He didn't try to wake her, he'd learnt the hard way what happens when you do that. She'd either slip into a full blown panic attack sometimes accompanied with kicking and punching anyone who was in her reach, or she'd just be pissed off and angry. It was better to let her wake up on her own. Instead he put the shopping away in the fridge, and began getting everything ready for dinner.

He was home a half hour before a knock on the door told him he had visitors. Looking through the peep hole he saw it was Ruzek and Atwater, they were both smiling, they looked happy.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked as he opened the door.

"We've got some news," Ruzek said stepping into the apartment, "where's Erin she's going to want to hear this too."

"Sofa," Jay said swinging his hand in the general direction, "sleeping. I wouldn't wake her if I were you."

"She's going to want to wake up to hear this," Ruzek said moving into the apartment.

He went straight to the sofa and grabbed Erin's shoulder, "Erin wake up," he said giving her a gentle shake.

"Wake her at your own risk," Jay said arriving in the living room with Atwater a few seconds later.

Ruzek was kneeling on the ground in front of Erin now, "Erin wake up," he said gripping her shoulders tighter and shaking her firmly. She still didn't stir, and a bad feeling began to fill him, "Erin," he said digging his thumbs under her collar bones, "wake up." Still nothing. "Jay," he asked trying to sound calm, "how long has Erin been asleep?"

"I don't know," Jay said still not realising what was happening, "she was asleep when I got home a half hour ago."

"Okay," Ruzek said looking around. He saw the loyalty card sitting on the table, the faintest traces of white powder on. Shit, he thought to himself. Keeping his voice level he turned to Kevin, "Atwater can you go down to the car and bring up the Narcan?"

"What?!" Jay was the one asking the question, he'd suddenly realised something was wrong. Atwater was already heading out the apartment, Ruzek was radioing for an ambulance.

"I think Erin's ODing on something," Ruzek said looking up at Jay, "she won't wake up."

"What? Erin," Jay tried to run the remaining steps to the sofa but only managed to fall to the ground, he crawled the rest of the way and pulled himself up in front of Erin. "Erin," he grabbed her shoulders hard and shook, "Erin," she didn't stir, and his heart rate jumped.

It felt like forever waiting for Atwater to bring up the Narcan, but it wouldn't have been much more than a minute. Jay crawled back as Ruzek administered the medication, spraying it up her nose. Then they waited, it took almost twenty seconds for her to respond, when she finally did she let out a moan and began slapping them away.

Jay let out the breath he didn't realise he was holding, but he was still freaking out. Erin was dazed and confused, she couldn't work out what was going on, then the ambulance arrived and she completely lost it. She wouldn't let them touch her, they wanted to get an IV in her arm but she wouldn't hold still.

"Erin," Ruzek was the one trying to calm her down, Jay was still having his own freak out, "these people aren't trying to hurt you." He got her into a sitting position and climbed behind her on the sofa, he wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug holding her still while the ambos administered medication.

…

Riding in an ambulance to hospital Erin finally managed to get her head around what had happened. She'd screwed up, and almost killed herself in the process. That fact didn't concern her nearly as much as it should have, the almost killing herself part. She didn't mind the idea of dying, though if she really wanted to be dead, she'd be dead. She didn't really want to die, she just…didn't want to be living. No-one was riding in the ambulance with her, she wondered where Jay was, why he wasn't with her, but then she was glad Jay wasn't there, she didn't want to see the look on his face.

At the hospital she was placed in a private cubical in emergency, she was poked and prodded. They gave her more Narcan and for the first time since the abduction she began to really feel, and it was horrible. She felt sick in the head, sick in the gut, and her right foot and ankle began to throb and there was nothing she could do about it.

…

Voight was driving back to the city when his phone started ringing; the caller ID showed it was Atwater. He smiled knowing they'd gone to tell Erin and Jay about the arrest.

"Voight," he said connecting the call, "how'd it go?"

"Not so good Sarge," Atwater said, a slight hesitation in his voice, "we haven't told them yet."

"Haven't told them?" Voight's first reaction was anger at his team, "I told you to go straight down and tell them."

"We did Sarge but…" Atwater paused, he wanted to sound confident but this was one of the most awkward conversations he'd ever had with his boss.

"But what Atwater?" Voight said annoyed and frustrated.

"Erin's on her way to hospital," he blurted straight out, "she's going to be fine sir, but we didn't tell them cuz we were too busy reviving her."

"What?!" The one word held so much, surprise, anger, fear, for a moment Voight felt his heart race, then it calmed again. "What happened?"

"Ruzek tried to wake her when we got to the apartment but she wouldn't wake up. He said to get the Narcan, after we gave it to her she started to wake up. She's on her way to the hospital now to get checked out."

"Okay," Voight said putting his calm voice back on, "don't tell them about the arrest. I'll tell them when I get in. Make sure they stay at the hospital, I'll be there in a few hours."

He disconnected the call as soon as Atwater acknowledged he'd heard. Anger and frustration were his primary emotions now, when he was supposed to feel triumphant. He was disappointed with Erin and frustrated, he knew full well she'd been through something horrible but she was supposed to come to him for help.

…

Ruzek sat keeping one eye on the curtain to the room Erin was in and the other on Jay. Jay was pacing back and forth, in a state of constant motion, even with the crutches slowing him down he still didn't stop moving.

"How about you sit down for a minute," he asked as Jay past directly in front of him.

"I can't," Jay said as he kept moving.

"Erin's going to be fine," Ruzek said standing up himself, "they're just going to want to keep her for observations."

"She's not fine," Jay said still moving, "if you hadn't come she could have been dead."

"But she's not," he understood the guilt Jay was feeling but he couldn't help it, "you did what you thought was right."

Jay shook his head and turned around. Up close Ruzek got his first real look at Jay, there was a wild look in his eyes. He'd been thinking something was a little off but now he knew it. "Jay sit down," he said placing a hand on his friends shoulder.

"I can't sit down," Jay shrugged his hand away.

"Well then stand still," he countered. Jay looked at him, a pained expression on his face but for the moment he stopped moving. "Erin's going to be fine," he offered, "but I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine," Jay said but he wasn't quite giving him eye contact.

"No you're not," he said sizing him up, "you're on something."

"I'm fine," he said again and he started to pace.

Ruzek moved with him, he was easy to keep up with. "Jay tell me what's going on or I'm going to tell Will."

Jay stopped moving again, he looked right at him, "Tell Will," he said and then he turned and walked away. Ruzek was right about one thing he thought, Erin was going to be fine, and even if she wasn't he wasn't helping her standing out in the waiting room, he didn't need to be out there waiting. His mind was racing, his head was full, he needed to get away, he made his way to the elevator and headed to the rooftop garden.

Out on the roof he felt like he could finally breath, the stress building inside of him eased just a little. He was a mess, he knew it but he didn't want to do anything about it. He didn't want to change what he was doing because that would involve truly facing what happened. He'd been getting through, by focusing solely on the future, the future he could control but the past was gone. He hadn't slept in days, and the last time he did sleep it was only for a couple hours.

…

The ninety minute drive back to Chicago gave Hank plenty of time to think and plan what he was going to do about Erin. His heart ached for her and he desperately wanted to help her but she was stubborn and not one to take help willingly. He just hoped when he finally spoke to her she wouldn't fight him too hard. Before going to the hospital he stopped to talk to an old acquaintance, the man owed Hank a lot of favours, and happened to own the best rehab facility in the city. By the time he arrived at the hospital it was all sorted, he would make Erin go to rehab whether she wanted to or not.

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 **AN: Thanks for the reviews last time, they're much appreciated. I've feeling in a good mood so thought I'd post some more.**


	16. Chapter 16

Jay was still on the roof when Will came out to find him.

"How are you doing bro?" Will asked coming to stand beside him.

Jay shrugged his shoulders, he'd had a lot of time to think but he hadn't achieved much. "Is Erin okay?"

"Yeah," Will nodded, "she's going to be feeling pretty rough for a while but she'll be fine. You can go see her if you want."

"Good," Jay nodded, he didn't know what to do with Erin, she wasn't opening up to him, but then he wasn't opening up to her either.

"How are really?" Will asked, "Ruzek was telling me you were acting a bit odd."

"I'm fine," he said looking straight at his brother but his eyes betrayed him.

"You're high," Will said without a degree of doubt, "what are you taking?"

"I'm not taking anything," Jay tried to lie but he couldn't get this one over his brother.

"Jay," Will said, "don't lie to me."

"You sound like Dad," Jay said making a move to walk away, "I'm going to go see Erin."

"Jay," Will said grabbing his arm so he couldn't walk away. "I'm not Dad, and I do this for a living. I know you've taken something. You don't need to tell me what but as of tomorrow you're staying with me and going into a drug rehab program."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Jay said pulling his arm free, "but whatever, I'll come stay at your place, it's not like you're ever home."

He walked away from his brother feeling tired and frustrated. He didn't want to deal with his shit but it was getting to a point where he couldn't keep pushing it aside.

…

Erin was curled up in the foetal position, her knees pulled up, a blanket pulled up to her chin, and a pillow clutched to her chest. She was having hot cold sweats, while her body ached. She desperately wanted to fall asleep but her mind and body wouldn't let up. The opiates were working their way out of her system and she was feeling everything, withdrawal was hitting her hard but it was more than just that, her mind was clearing too; the cloud she'd been living in was gone. She could feel herself sitting on the verge of a panic attack, every noise made her jump. She heard the door open and looked up; Jay was walking into her room.

"Hey," he said standing beside her bed. He reached down and brushed some hair from her face. "How are you feeling?"

"Shit," she said making no effort to sit up, "you?"

"I've been better," he said looking around the room, there was a chair nearby, he grabbed it and pulled it forward so he could sit down. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry," she said reaching for him, "I didn't mean to I just…" she couldn't finish her sentence.

"Wanted it all to stop?" Jay offed, squeezing her hand.

"Yeah," she said letting out a sigh, she didn't know how to talk to Jay, what words to use, "what are we going to do?" she finally asked, "I know you're using too. You never sleep; the bed beside me is always cold."

"I don't know," Jay said not even trying to deny his drug use, "Will wants me to stay with him for a while. I don't want to leave you though."

"I could stay with Hank," she said not liking the idea even as the words came out, "maybe we need to learn to live with ourselves before we can learn to live with each other."

"Maybe," Jay said though he didn't really believe it, "I'm sorry, I wasn't there for you, I'm sorry I couldn't protect you."

"I know," she said closing her eyes; she'd lost count of the number of times Jay had said sorry to her. It was what he used to fill the silences between them. She knew he was sorry but that didn't change anything, only made her feel worse. "I'm sorry too," she said opening her eyes again; "I'm sorry I'm not stronger, that I'm not the person you need me to be."

"I don't need you to be anything but you," Jay offered but he knew what Erin meant, it wasn't that she wasn't the person he needed her to be it was that she wasn't the person she wanted to be. He watched her eyes drift shut again; he could see the physical pain she was in written all over her body. Under the sheet her body was shaking, it was hard for him to watch. "I'm going to let you get some rest," he said pulling himself up. He leant over and kissed her on her forehead.

"Thanks," she said, her eyes opening for just a moment.

Jay walked out the room and Erin let out a sigh, she felt like death. She wished the doctors could give her something to make her feel better but it was those exact medications which had got her in this mess in the first place. She pulled her knees up and clutched a pillow to her chest. Alone in her room she let the tears flow freely, she didn't know what to do, she didn't know how live in a world where she wasn't numb to everything around her. Her tears had dried up by the time she heard her door open again, she looked up, Hank was standing at the end of her bed.

"Erin sit up," he told her, his voice wasn't soft, he sounded stern, angry.

She slowly rolled over and pushed herself up; she kept the pillow wrapped in her arms.

…

Standing at the end of Erin's bed Hank felt a sense of de je vu. This wasn't the first time he'd stood at the end of Erin's hospital bed following an overdose. Fifteen years has passed, he'd hoped never to make that trip again; though if he was being honest with himself he wasn't surprised this had happened. He wanted Erin to be better and he'd been choosing not to see all the signs that she wasn't okay.

"What were you thinking? Were you trying to kill yourself?" He asked managing to keep his voice level.

"No," she said resting her chin on the top of the pillow, "if I was trying to kill myself I'd be dead."

"Good," he wanted to tear into her but she looked so small, "what happened then?" he asked still managing to restrain himself.

"I don't know," she said taking a deep breath, "it was an accident, a mistake."

"What did you take?"

"I don't know."

He was expecting her to say oxy or maybe heroin, he wasn't expecting her to say I don't know. The restraint he was showing began to waiver. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't know," she said again, "they called it alphabet soup. I don't know what's in it."

He inhaled deeply through his teeth; he was almost ready to lose it. "Who sold it to you?"

"Someone I trusted."

"Who?"

"I'm not telling you who my dealer is." It was the first time Erin had showed any fire in her responses.

"Is?" Hank said finally losing it, "there's no 'is' Erin, only a 'was'. Do you know how stupid you were? How dangerous this is?"

She clenched her jaw and just sat there as Hank tore into her, berated her like he hadn't done since she was a teenager. By the time he finished she was on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry," she said not knowing what else to say, "It was an accident."

Hank took a steadying breath, he didn't like yelling at Erin, he felt horrible. "I know," he said, his voice sounding somewhat calmer, "but it doesn't change what happened. When they discharge you from here you're going to rehab."

"No."

"Erin," his voice sounded stern again but he didn't yell. "This isn't a negotiation; you've clearly demonstrated you need more help."

"Not rehab," she sounded almost scared by the idea, "I don't want to do no stupid twelve step program."

"It's not a twelve step program," he said remembering Erin's last experience with rehab, they'd got her clean but left her with a new set of scars. "It won't be like last time."

"What is it then?"

"Trauma based treatment," he told her, hoping those words would sit better with her.

"No," she said and he saw fear shoot through her eyes, "I don't want to do that."

"I know," he said, the softness returning to his voice.

She didn't say anything for a moment, as much as she wanted Hank to be wrong she knew he right. She wasn't managing on her own, and she was addicted to the medication. "What about Jay?" she finally asked, if she wasn't coping neither was he. "He hasn't been sleeping; he takes stuff to keep him awake."

"Jay's not my concern," He said moving around to the side of the bed, he pulled up a chair and sat down, the steam was out of him now, yelling more at Erin wouldn't help. "I'll make sure Will knows about Jay. He'll get some help."

She nodded slowly, Hank reached out and put a hand over hers, "I don't want to go to rehab," she said again but the fight was out of her voice. She knew she was going, but she didn't have to like it.

"I know," Hank said squeezing her hand, "but you're still going." He gave her a half smile, and she tried to give one back. She was tired, mentally and physically drained, but she wasn't sleeping anytime soon, she was too sick to sleep. They sat in silence for a while, just thinking about what had happened. Then Hank remembered what had happened earlier that day, it felt like such a long time ago. "I got some good news for you," he said smiling, "we arrested them today. You don't have to worry about them coming back."

"Arrested?" she looked at Hank but she wasn't smiling, "I thought you were going to take care of them."

"The FBI made the arrest," he said with a shrug.

"Oh," she took a deep breath and tried to steady herself, she wasn't having a good day, the arrest was good but she would have preferred they were dead.

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 **AN: Thanks so much to everyone leaving the reviews they are much appreciated. This is for you. :-) As always if you want to see more of the story keep me motivated to keep posting/writing.**


	17. Chapter 17

Erin had hoped they'd keep her at the hospital longer but twenty four hours after over dosing she was being discharged and Hank was driving her to rehab. She didn't want to go, if she had her way she'd go straight home and sleep for fifteen hours, not that she could actually sleep. Insomnia was currently being her friend, after weeks of sleeping almost constantly her body was rebelling big time. At the hospital she'd slept only a couple of hours, the rest of the night she'd been tormented by images and thoughts of what had happened. She hadn't cried anymore though, as long as no one asked her to talk she could keep the tears at bay. Hank thank fully wasn't trying to get her to talk.

She watched as the city seemed to slip past them, she didn't know where they going but she figured it wasn't too far away. The appointments she had with her specialists hadn't been cancelled; apparently she was still going to see them at the rehab centre. After driving for a while Hank pulled off the main road and headed down a long driveway, at one point they reached a gate, Hank spoke to someone over the intercom and the gate opened. They drove along more until the road was completely out of sight and then a giant house appeared in front of them.

"Wow," Erin said staring up at the house; this wasn't what she was expecting when she thought of rehab. A woman in blue jeans, and a pale blue polo shirt stood waiting for them at the front door. She watched as Erin awkwardly got herself out the car, she didn't try to help which Erin liked, instead she talked to Hank and when Erin finally reached them she held out her hand.

"Hello I'm Cindy," she smiled, "you must be Erin."

"Yeah," Erin said taking the hand in an awkward handshake, "is this really a rehab centre?"

"Yes," Cindy smiled, "come on inside I'll give you the tour. Do you need me to take any of your bags?"

"No," Hank said, slinging Erin's duffel bag on his back, "this is all we've got."

"Marvellous," Cindy smiled, "come on in."

Inside it looked nothing like a rehab centre and everything like a beautifully set out home. Erin's mouth hung slightly open as Cindy began to show them around. Erin had a room to herself on the ground floor which was bigger than some of the studio apartments she'd lived in as a child. There was a four poster queen size bed, with bedside tables, a living area with two sofas, a recliner, coffee table, big screen TV and a small round dining table, there were French doors which opened out onto the garden, and a full bathroom. It wasn't until she looked closer that she noticed the modifications, there were too many power points near the bed, and little hooks screwed into the bed posts, there were duress alarms spread throughout the room, and grab rails all through the bathroom.

"I hope this is okay," Cindy said still smiling, "we do have some other bedrooms on the property but they're all on the second floor."

"This is fine," Erin nodded, it was more than she was expecting and second floor rooms weren't an option right now.

"Great, if you want you can drop your bags here and I'll show you the rest of the place."

The rest of the house had grandeur much like the bedroom. There was a full kitchen which Erin was told she could use to make her own meals if she wanted to, but there was also a chef on staff who could cook her everything she needed. There was a large gym set up for physical therapy sessions, a library and sunroom both of which could be used for counselling and psychotherapy, there was a lap pool for hydrotherapy, a sauna, and outside there was what seemed like a never ending sprawl of garden.

"This is amazing," Erin said still trying to get her head around what she was seeing, "but where is everyone else?" Throughout the tour they'd not laid eyes on anyone else.

"Our staff are upstairs," Cindy smiled, "they'll come down and introduce themselves when you're settled."

"What about the other clients?"

"You're the only one here," Cindy told her, "At Saddlewood we specialise in a many to one approach to addiction treatment and healing."

"Oh," the revelation threw Erin slightly, "how long do I have to be here?"

"That depends on your progress, the average stay here is eight weeks but some people stay longer or shorter."

"Okay," Erin's head was spinning again; the idea that all these people would only be interested in her for weeks was throwing her.

"It's a lot to take in," Cindy said sense her internal melt down, "how about we go back to your room, you can lay down for a bit and then I'll bring the rest of the staff down to meet you."

"Okay," Erin nodded; she didn't have any better ideas. They began making their way back through the house, at the front door Hank stopped them to say goodbye.

"You've got this kid," he told her giving her a hug, "you can call me whenever you need me, though I think you'll be too busy for the next few days."

"Thanks," she held him as tight as could, Hank leaving made this even more real.

She stood at the front door and watched him drive away. As soon as he was gone she felt a mental fatigue grip her. Cindy led her back to the bedroom and gave her a heart rate monitor. She was told if she wanted any semblance of privacy she needed to wear it. It would alert the medical staff if she deviated too far from her normal rhythm. Detox could be dangerous, and attempted suicide happened more often than they wanted to talk about. No one had died on their watch though. Erin nodded and strapped on the monitor, for the first time since arriving she began to feel like she really was in a rehab centre.

...

Jay had mixed feeling about Hank sending Erin off to rehab, he knew she needed it, that it would be good for her, but he needed her too. He needed her for the short moments when they seemed to get everything together and it almost felt like the time before. He knew wanting her with him now was being selfish though, she needed help, and he needed help also.

He'd eventually admitted to Will what he'd been doing with the pills. Will had simply given him a clap on the shoulder and said 'I know bro, now lets get you some help.' The help he was getting was nothing like the fancy rehab place he knew Hank had got Erin into, neither of the Halstead's could afford that and they didn't have half the elites in the city owing them favours. Instead they'd turned to the VA for help; he was signed up for group and individual sessions with a doctor who specialised in treatment of PTSD and addiction.

To say he was looking forward to the session was a lie but he knew if him and Erin stood any chance of moving forward from what happened together, he needed to have his shit together when she got home.

...

It was hard for Hank leaving Erin at the rehab centre but he knew it was the best place for her. Saddlewood prided itself in the best treatment money could buy and their different approach to treatment would work well for her. He was going to miss seeing her and talking to her regularly, it would be a few weeks at least before she was ready to make phones calls out and have visitors. Hank planned to use that time wisely. When Erin got home she was going to need something to do with her time, his intention was to get her back to work, and so that it didn't look like he was playing favourites he'd get Jay back to work too.

There were going to be lots of hoops and hurdles for him to jump through, not only would he need to get them approved by the medical review board but he'd also have to justify why they should return to intelligence and not just a paper pushing job in head office. He knew both his detectives well enough to know paper pushing wouldn't sit right with either of them.

As well as working his case load he began researching precedents for return to work policies.

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 **AN: I've been having a real hard time finding time to write at the moment. Here is a little bit more to keep the story going. I'm hoping to have time to write a bit more this weekend but we'll see what life throws. If you want to see more of the story please keep leaving the reviews, it greatly helps with the motivation and it much appreciated. :-)**


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: This is for everyone who is still reading the story. I'm finding it really hard to find the time to write at the moment but I'm also determined to get all of this story written and posted eventually. I've written the last chapter but there are a few more I need to write to get to that part of the story. If you're reading please let me know. I love the reviews and am happy for PMs.**

* * *

Rehab was everything Erin expected but nothing like she expected all at the same time. Detox was horrible, they gave her some stuff to try and make it go quicker but all it did was make everything feel worse. At her worse she was curled up on the bathroom floor waiting for the next time she'd need to vomit but the staff were nice and after five days it was completely over. Physically she felt less sick but the mental demons were out playing at full force. That was when the treatment really started.

They weren't about praying away the addiction or surrendering onesself to god, they were more about taking personal responsibility for the addiction, delving into why it happened and then finding other ways of dealing. For Erin that meant talking about what happened. She didn't want to talk about that, for days she resisted instead choosing to talk about other things. They honed in on her time as a teenager, on the weeks and months leading up to her first overdose, on her previous time in rehab. It was hard for her talking about all that stuff but it seemed easier than the alternative.

They started working hard on her physical recovery also, the physical therapist and occupational therapist she'd seen at the hospital came out to continue her sessions but there were new people too. She began having appointments with a prosthetist, to fit her artificial limb. Those appointments were their own kind of stressful, she wanted it to all be right the first time but it took them a few goes and every time it failed she would think it might never be right. There was also a personal trainer, a yoga instructor, and someone who specialised in meditation.

Together the two aspects of healing worked together and she started to get better. It wasn't easy, there were days she cried so hard her eyes went dry, there were days her body ached so much she would wonder if she'd ever be able to move again but tomorrow always came and every day she got a little stronger. Eventually she was strong enough to talk about what happened. With her councillors guidance she went back to those forty eight hours of hell. They focused on how it made her feel, they didn't force her to go into the minute details, it wasn't like the police interview, they didn't need to know everything. In those two days she went from trying to fight her way out to completely submitting, they didn't let her sleep, every time she started to drift off they'd give her something to keep her awake. And all the time they tortured her they tortured Jay, only they kept him asleep, every time he started to wake up they'd give him something to knock him out again. She didn't know why they did that, but it put all the weight on her, escaping was all on her but she couldn't do it. She felt a tremendous amount of guilt; she blamed herself for what had happened, for letting it happen for so long. They helped her see past that, to accept that it wasn't her fault, that it was okay for her to have submitted, that surviving was all that really mattered. They helpedspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanher to see she'd survived for a reason, that her body had fought back from the brink of death, that she wasn't ready to die, and spending her days zonked out on drugs was no way to live. They helped her find a way to live with what had happened and accept it.

It wasn't easy but at the seven week mark she was almost ready to go home, she was ready to see her family again. Sitting outside in the garden she held her phone in her hand. She was trying to psych herself up to call Jay; her last conversation with him had been the afternoon she was discharged from the hospital. He'd been his own mess, and she felt horrible for leaving him, but he let her go, he didn't try to stop her. Their last words to each other as they'd hugged good bye had simply been 'get better'. Now seven weeks on she was better, but she had no idea how he was going.

…

Jay missed Erin there was no denying that, she was in his thoughts almost constantly. She was what kept him focused on getting better, on staying healthy. He had to fight the urge to try and phone her, he knew she would call him when she was ready. When his phone finally did ring he was manning the counter at Antonio's gym, he'd started hanging out there as a way to occupy himself, he liked talking sports and stuff with the guys that came through, and when he was feeling up to it he even worked out.

"Erin?" he said as soon as the line connected.

"Hey Jay," he heard Erin say down the line, it sounded like there was a lightness in her voice, "how are going?"

"Good," he said giving the generic answer before adding, "I miss you."

"I miss you too," she said back to him, "I think I'll be coming home soon. They said I can have some visitors, I'd love you to come see me."

"Of course," he said not hiding the joy from his voice, "When can I come?"

"Tomorrow, or the day after, any time really, just let me know."

"Tomorrow is good," he smiled, "I'll come in the afternoon, I've therapy in the morning."

"Great." There was a pause in the conversation; neither of them did phone conversations too well. "Do you know where to go?" Erin finally asked.

"No," he said realising he had no idea where exactly Erin was, "text me the address, I'll look up the directions."

"No worries," Erin smiled. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you then," Jay smiled and they both hung up.

…

A smile spread across Erin's face, one call down one to go she thought to herself. She was looking forward to seeing Jay but she wanted to see Hank first. She needed to talk to him about what was going to happen when she came home. She pulled up his number and pressed call.

…

Hank had been expecting a call from Erin for days. He'd been busy getting everything inline for when she'd come home but he couldn't lock it all in until he was sure she was ready. Scheduling a meeting with the medical review board too early would mess up all his hard work. When he saw her name come up on his caller ID he smiled.

"Erin," he greeted, "how are you going?"

"Good," she smiled genuinely telling the truth, "the doctors reckon I'm good to have visitors. Would you like to come see me?"

"Of course," the idea of not wanting to see her had never crossed his mind, "I could come up tonight if you want."

"That would be great," she smiled, "I'll get John to make us dinner, he makes a mean carbonara."

"I can't wait."

The called ended as fast as it had begun, neither of them was much of a phone conversationalist. Talking was easier in person; they could both read each other better that way.

…

Erin wrapped her hand around her walking stick and pushed herself up. Walking on her new leg still didn't feel completely natural but she was getting better at it. The cane was as much for psychological support as physical. It significantly reduced her fear of falling, though it didn't completely stop her falling if she stopped paying attention. Moving slowly she began to make her way through the house to the kitchen. John was in there putting together lunch for everyone. She liked the chef, unlike most of the staff he wasn't a medical professional, he wasn't interested in trying to fix her, all he wanted to do was make good food.

"Morning Erin," John greeted as she walked into the kitchen, "how are you going?"

"Good," she smiled, "Hank's coming for dinner tonight. Can you make that carbonara again?"

"Sure," he smiled, "but wouldn't it be better if I taught you how to make it?"

"Maybe," she said with a shrug of her shoulders, "I'll meditate on it."

"Right," he gave her a sideways smile and shook his head. For the last week or so he'd been trying unsuccessfully to get her in the kitchen with him to cook. So far she hadn't been interested. "So Hank, is he the boyfriend or the father?"

"Father," Erin said sitting down, "he's the one who got me in here."

"Oh so he's the one with the connections," John smiled. It was no secret at Saddelwood, Erin was different from most of their very wealthy clients. It worked to her advantage for the most part, she was able to connect better with the staff but John still liked to jest with her about it.

"Yeah," Erin said picking up a mandarin and beginning to peal it.

"And Jay's the boyfriend?" John asked, "when's he coming?"

"Tomorrow afternoon," Erin smiled.

"I supposed you'll want me to cook something nice up for him too."

"Of course," Erin smirked as she put a segment of the mandarin in her mouth.

For the rest of the morning and afternoon Erin got herself ready for Hank's visit. She was a little nervous about seeing him again but not nearly as nervous as she was about seeing Jay the next day. As complicated and strained as her relationship with Hank had been over the years, at its core it was very simple, he loved her unconditionally and no matter what shit she threw at him he'd always come back. He'd proven that to her countless times over the years, there had been times when she'd tried to push him away but he'd always come back, he never let her flounder on her own for long. This had been another one of those times, she was ready to claim her life back and she knew he would be there for her.

Dusk was just starting to come when the intercom went off in the house to say someone was at the gate. Erin brushed off her hands and went to the front door to meet him.

…

Driving up the road to the house, Hank couldn't help but feel a little excited about seeing Erin again. From their short conversation that morning he knew she was doing well but how well he wasn't sure. He hoped he hadn't over estimated how ready she was to go back to work, he'd been judging everything off Jay's progress but he knew the two of them were recovering from different places.

Coming around the last bend in the driveway he saw her standing at the front door waiting for him. She wore a pair of blue jeans, with black boots, and a plain white t-shirt. In her left hand she gripped a silver cane. As he got closer he saw she was smiling, and there was a light in her eyes. He parked the car and grabbed his bag with his stack of paper work.

"You look good," he said holding out his arms to give her a hug, "how are you feeling?"

"Better," she said giving him a quick hug, "look," she stepped back from him and tapped her right leg just above the knee. Her knuckles made a soft clinking sound as they connected with something hard.

"How long have you had that?" he asked smiling.

"This one arrived a few days ago but I've been practicing with another one for a few weeks now."

"Nice," he couldn't get over how much happier she looked. This Erin was very different from the one he'd left at the centre seven weeks ago. "Shall we go inside? We've got a lot to talk about."

"Yeah come on." Erin turned and led him inside. He hung back a few steps to watch how well she was moving. The medical review board would want to know, they'd be watching this stuff. Her limp was slight and her speed a little slow but nothing too bad.

She led him through the house and into the dining room, one end of the table was cleared, and the other end was set for two. They sat down at the cleared end, "should we get the business side of things done first?"

"Let's get it over and done with," Erin smiled.

Hank nodded and pulled out the paperwork. There were release forms she needed to sign to give Hank, and the review board permission to access her medical records, and speak to her doctors. There was a statement of competency she needed to complete and bring with her to the meeting. Hank told her that was important, she needed to make her case for why she should be allowed back at work, and explain anything that might be amiss in her records, like the overdose.

She nodded and signed, and took everything Hank was telling her in. She needed to get back to work; she needed to start living her life again. That was the biggest thing she'd taken out of the weeks of rehab and therapy, she was a survivor, and in order to keep surviving she needed to keep living.

After the official stuff was done dinner was served and they transitioned into relaxed conversation. Hank told her everything that was happening at the district, he wasn't one to gossip but he heard everything and when Erin pushed for stories he eventually started spilling them. They talked about what it would be like once she was back at work, he made it quite clear he didn't want her or Jay out in the field just yet; until they could move as well as before they would be a liability to themselves and the team. Erin didn't argue, she'd been in enough hairy spots in her career to know Hank was right. He wanted them both running cases though and leading all the research. He made it sound exciting and she was looking forward it.

At the end of the night, they said goodbye and see you in one week. That was how long it would before Hank picked her up and took her home.


	19. Chapter 19

Driving down to see Erin, Jay had a healthy dose of excitement and apprehension. A lot had happened in the seven weeks they'd been apart. He'd changed; he was a better, stronger, more in control person. He was sure Erin would have changed too, how much was the real question.

...

Erin was full of nervous energy. She didn't want to sit still; she wanted everything to be just right when Jay arrived. She was nervous about seeing him again, seeing him wasn't like seeing Hank. She'd thrown shit at Hank for years; no matter what she did he always came back. Her and Jay on the other hand were rocky, she really didn't know how far she could push him. When she last saw him they weren't in a good place. She was better, but she didn't know what he'd be like. When the intercom beeped to say Jay was coming up the drive she went and stood outside to greet him.

...

Heading down the drive to the place Erin was staying Jay's mouth slowly dropped. He knew the place was nice but he had no idea how nice. As he came around the final bend he caught site of Erin for the first time. She was standing by the front door wearing a plain black T-shirt, blue jeans, and white slip on shoes. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders, in her hand she held a sliver cane, but most startling of all, she was smiling. She looked truly happy.

Erin kept her eyes trained on Jay's car as he brought it around and parked. She wanted to run over to him but the chance she would fall flat on her face was too high for her to take that chance. Instead she settled for watching him. The driver's side door opened, a sliver cane almost identical to hers was placed outside the car, then Jay slide out, left leg, then right leg, he used the cane and the door frame to help himself stand. He was dressed similar to her, blue jeans, white T-shirt, slip on shoes. He smiled at her and gave her a little wave before making his way slowly to her.

"You look good," he said when he finally reached her.

"You too," she smiled holding out her arms. He closed the distance between them and they embraced.

"I've missed you so much," he said pulling her closer.

"I've missed you too." For a minute they just stood there holding each other, nothing else mattered. Finally they pulled apart, "Let me show you around," Erin said taking Jay's hand. They walked inside together.

"This place is unreal," Jay said as Erin led him into the house.

"It's pretty amazing," Erin smiled, as she paused at a door and opened it, "this is my room," she said stepping inside, "we can talk in here and later when we're done we can go to the kitchen for dinner."

"Sure," Jay said taking in the room. It wasn't so much a room but a wing; there was a bedroom area, living area, and even a small round dining table with a platter of cheeses, dips, fruit, vegetables, and crackers. Erin was walking towards the dining table; she picked up a carrot stick, took a bite of it and sat down. Jay followed her, a small feeling of apprehension growing inside of him. They needed to talk and it seemed the talking was going to come first.

"This is your room?" he asked sitting down at the table, "how many people are here?"

"Yes," Erin smiled, "and just me and the staff. This place does things differently."

"Wow," he said shaking his head, he couldn't believe what this place was like, "how do they do things?"

"Very personalised," Erin replied, "they don't twelve step you through here, they focus on the trauma instead."

"Sounds intense," Jay said not knowing what to say.

"It is," Erin nodded, "but it works. The first few weeks were hell but it got better. How have you been? What have you been doing while I've been here?"

"Getting my own help," Jay smiled, "I've been staying with Will and he's been pretty hard on my case about it. He made me detox, and I joined a support group through the VA, and I'm talking to a councillor, among other specialists."

Jay sounded good, he looked good, "Are you okay?" she asked wanting to make sure.

"More okay than I was," Jay shrugged, "I still have bad days but not so often and I know what to do when they happen. How about you?"

"Same," Erin smiled, she liked Jay's description, "most of the time I'm okay. I know what to do when I'm not."

"Good," Jay smiled; he picked up a piece of cheese and a cracker, something to distract him from the conversation for a minute.

Erin was doing the same; she was trying to decide if she wanted to go through with the next part of the conversation. Should she tell Jay what happened to them? She still didn't want him to know; she didn't want him carrying that around but was that really her decision to make?

"Do you want to know what happened?" she finally decided to ask.

Jay almost choked on his cracker when Erin asked the question. He'd already made the decision not to ask her what happened. As much as he wanted to know he knew there would be a time when he would find out, he was at peace with waiting until the trial. He wasn't expecting Erin to offer the information.

"Yes," he said, "but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I can tell you," she said reaching for his hand, "but once you know you can't unknow."

"I know," he said, feeling his heart begin to race.

"Okay," Erin nodded and she turned his hand over so it was palm up. She placed her forearm next to his displaying the lattice work of scars they both had running all over their arms. "This," she said placing her finger at the top of one of the scars, "was the first cut. They used scalpels for that one. We were both tied down to hard metal tables, the lights were bright fluorescent. Medical leads and electrodes were attached to our bodies; they were attached to monitors and stuff. I could see yours, that was the only way I knew you were still alive. You were unconscious, I wasn't. When they made the first cut I screamed in pain and blacked out for a moment. When I came to they seemed excited, that was when I realised they wanted me to scream so I did my best to stay quiet as they slowly and methodically began to cut more."

Jay watched Erin as she began to tell their story. Her words came out in short deliberate sentences. The colour faded from her skin, the light went out of her eyes. She was going to a dark place, he could see it all over she, she began to tremble.

"Erin stop," he said breaking into her narrative, "you don't need to do this."

She blinked her eyes as if trying to focus, a few tears trickled out. "I'm okay," she said but her words didn't sound as convincing as they had earlier. "I can tell you."

"No," he said placing his hand over hers, "I can wait for the trial. I don't want you going through this more than you have to."

"Trial?" Erin asked, her whole body tensing up at the word.

"The trial," Jay said but Erin looked back at him confused, "nobody's told you?"

"No one has told me anything," she said feeling her anxiety start to creep back.

Jay took a deep breath; he'd assumed Hank would have told her. "The people who took us, their trial is set for eight weeks' time. You're going to have to testify, talk about what happened."

"Oh." What colour was left in Erin's face was draining fast. Quickly Jay pulled his chair up next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Give me a minute." She was mentally trying to go through her coping strategies. If she was honest with herself she knew this was going to happen. She knew they'd been arrested and as much as she wanted Hank to kill them, the feds were involved so that was never going to happen.

Jay kept his arm around Erin but he didn't try to make her talk, not until she was ready.

"I'm okay," she finally said though her voice was still a little shaky.

"I'm sorry," Jay offered, "I shouldn't have let you start telling me what happened."

"No it's fine," Erin smiled, "I've talked about it so much here I thought I would be okay telling you but I guess I'm not quite as good as I thought."

Jay smiled at Erin and gave her hand another squeeze. "Let's not talk about that anymore, lets talk about the future and getting us back to work."

"Okay," Erin smiled, "Hank told me about some of this yesterday. He said the medical review board hearing is next week."

"Yep," Jay smiled, "but that's just to get us back to doing desk work. I want to talk about getting back to active duty."

"Okay," Erin nodded; she hadn't allowed herself to think that far ahead.

"I've been reading up," Jay said the light coming back to his eyes, "and I reckon we might be able to convince them to give us our field certificates back if we can pass the POWER test. What do you think?"

"The POWER test," Erin said slowly, trying to process the idea. She liked it, it was something to aim for and it was realistic.

"I've talked to my PT and the prosthetist, they both think it's reasonable," Jay continued, "The bench press, the sit ups, and the reach should all be easy enough with a little training. The run will be the hardest but once we get to the six month mark there is a new prosthesis we can get which is good for daily wear and can handle running."

"Okay," Erin smiled the light coming back into her eyes, "let's do it."

"I'd hoped you'd say that," Jay said and this time he lent forward and kissed her.

She kissed him back, all the tension between them dissolving. "I think we've talked enough for now," he said pulling back just a bit, "shall we go lay down?"

"We could do that," Erin said a coy smile spreading across her face.

...

The week leading up to the medical review board was intense for everyone. There was paperwork to finalise, documentation to get signed off. At Saddlewood Erin was getting herself ready to go home, her therapists were preparing her everything including what she would do if the medical review board rejected their requests. It was a hard thing for her to think about, she didn't want to contemplate life without Intelligence but she did have a plan in place if everything went wrong.

In Chicago Jay was trying to do the same thing, if it all went to shit he'd probably keep doing what he was doing. He was okay with where he was at but getting back to work was what he wanted most. While it would be impossible to pretend it never happened, there was something to be said about it not controlling their lives.

Driving to pick Erin up from rehab Hank hoped he was doing the right thing, that he wasn't pushing Erin too hard, making her do something she wasn't ready for. He shouldn't have been worried though, when he reached Saddlewood Erin was already at the door waiting for him. All her paperwork had been signed and she looked excited to be leaving.

* * *

 **AN: Wow I had lost track of how long it has been since I updated this. Life here has been crazy the last few months. I just had my first child and how much time they take up is crazy. If your still reading I'd love to hear from you. :-)**


	20. Chapter 20

Hank sat at the table with the medical review board; in front of him were copies of Jay and Erin's medical reports, letters from their various specialists detailing their recommendations. Their conclusions were all the same, going back to work in some capacity would be good to both of them. Neither of them was fit enough to go back on the road, they would be assigned to desk duties, he was there to make sure those assignments were still with intelligence. He was ready for a fight, desk jobs weren't part of intelligence's normal structure but his reasons for wanting them there were strong.

"Sargent Voight, thank you for joining us today," they began.

"Thank you for having me," he said keeping this as formal as he could, "I expect you've reviewed the medical reports and my recommendation."

"We have," they all nodded.

"Do you agree with my recommendations? Do you have any questions?"

At that point they started firing the questions at him; his personal relationship to Erin came under question, so too did Erin and Jay's relationship with each other. The board wanted to separate them, they wanted to let Jay back in with intelligence, and transfer Erin to a truly paper pushing job. He understood why they recommended that, Erin's struggles were far more obvious than Jay's. For any other person he would have agreed, but Erin was special and being able to keep an eye on her was vitally important to him.

For an hour he laid his arguments down, they hammered him with questions. He had an answer to every single one. When he was finished he felt he'd done everything he could, and felt they agreed with him.

"Thank you for your time Sargent Voight," they said when they were done, "can you tell Detectives Lindsay and Halstead we'll call them in soon."

* * *

Jay twisted his hands around each other, his right leg tapped rapidly up and down. He was nervous, so much of his identity hung on the decision of the medical review board. He needed to get back to work, there was only so much of the day he could spend working out, rehabbing, watching day time television. He needed to feel useful again, like his life had meaning and purpose.

"Stop tapping," Erin said reaching over and placing her hand on his knee. She pushed down, forcing his leg to stop moving. "They're going to say yes, Hank won't let them say no."

"They could still say no," Jay said turning to look at her, she seemed so much more calm than he felt, "they could push us back to head office, have us moving paperwork for the rest of our careers."

"Not for the rest of our careers," Erin said squeezing down on his knee, "the desk job is just for now, you said so yourself, we're going to get back to active duty."

"Since when did you become so positive," Jay smiled at Erin.

"Rehab," Erin said with a shrug of her shoulders, "you can't get out of that place without some degree of positive attitude."

"I hadn't noticed," Jay said staring at Erin, now that he was really looking at her he could see the change in her eyes. They were interrupted by the door opening and Hank stepping into the corridor.

"They won't be long," Hank said to both of them.

"How'd it go?" Jay asked.

"Good I think," Hank said smiling at both of them, "they seemed to be receptive to my idea, it just depends if they want to set the precedent."

"Good," Jay nodded and the three of them hushed, trying to listen to the conversation though the wall. They couldn't hear anything which only meant the conversation wasn't heated, whatever they were deciding they all agreed.

The door finally opened and Jay and Erin were invited inside. They stood up together, reached for their walking sticks and slowly made their way inside the room. Jay hadn't wanted to use the walking sticks, but Erin convinced him they were better than crutches, and a great deal better than falling on their faces. Inside the room they took their seats in front of the board and waited to hear their fate. The head of the board seemed to talk a lot but the final result was exactly what they'd hoped for, desk duties with intelligence starting tomorrow.

Smiles spread across both their faces, under the table they squeezed down hard on each other's hands. Excitement, relief, and even happiness were racing through them. They almost left without discussing the one other thing which needed to be asked.

"What about returning to full duty?" Erin asked as they were starting to wrap things up.

"We'll need to schedule a new hearing for that," the man in charge told them, "I think you'd both agree that neither of you is ready for that."

"Not yet," Erin agreed, "but we will be. If there was something we could aim for."

The board members stopped packing up and looked up at both of them, "is there something you had in mind?" one of them asked.

Erin looked to Jay they'd talked about this, "the POWER test," Erin said, "if we pass the POWER test, let us back on full active duty."

The board members exchanged looks, before nodding at each other, "we'll need to convene another review," the one in charge said, "but yes, in principle I think we can agree to that."

"Good," Erin smiled, "we'll see you again in a few months."

They walked out the room smiles on their faces; they had a plan and something to aim for, for their future. The POWER test would be challenging, especially the run but they both agreed it was achievable.

* * *

That night they celebrated with pizza, and beer at home

* * *

For their first day back in Intelligence they made sure to arrive at the district early, they wanted to be there and settled before everyone else arrived. They didn't want a fan fare; they didn't want anyone to make a big deal about it. They just wanted things to be normal. There was no one there when they arrived; walking into the bull pen for time in almost 4 months was strange. Erin's desk was exactly like she had left it, Jay's desk had clearly been sat at by someone, everything was still there but not quite in the same places. They turned their computers on and began going through the hundreds of e-mails they had waiting for them.

When the others started arriving they were just starting their second cups of coffee. Ruzek brought in a big box of doughnuts, that was the extent of the celebration of them returning to work. The cases started rolling in and they soon had more than enough work to keep them busy and their minds occupied. It was almost a hassle having to leave the district the attend specialist appointments, but attending those appointments was a condition of them being at work.

* * *

The days and then the weeks went by. They relished being back at work, of being useful again. It wasn't all easy or smooth sailing though. Antonio had to pull Erin out of her first interview with a suspect, she'd been so close to crossing the line, of taking their interrogation tactics too far.

Standing in the corridor she was trembling all over, "why'd you do that?" she yelled at him, "I almost had him."

"No you didn't," Antonio told her, his voice completely level, "he wasn't going to break and you were about to do something which could get you suspended or worse. Everyone has gone out on a limb to get you and Jay back here."

"I was fine," Erin said but now she was out of the room her whole body was trembling, the adrenalin was running out her body and the realisation of what she'd almost done hit. "Oh my God," she said under her breath and she pushed past Antonio and walked back to her desk.

Sitting down at her desk she rested her head in her hands, and focused on her breathing. She'd been transferring her pain and anger onto this new suspect, to a man who was right in front of her instead of the one who was locked behind bars. Emotions were running through her fast and she was close to having a panic attack.

"It didn't go well?" Jay asked from his desk only meters from hers.

"No," she said shaking her head, "I screwed up."

"By the time Hank came out of the interrogation room, she'd pulled herself together, she was feeling more embarrassed than anything.

"I'm sorry," she told him when he came to stand by her desk.

"No, I'm sorry," he told her, "I shouldn't have put you in that position."

"It's my job," she said shaking her head, "I should have been better."

"You've only been back a few days," Hank said, "give yourself some time to ease back into everything."

She nodded but she hated herself for not being better, for not being able to be the detective she used to be. Jay didn't seem to have the issues she was having but then he was coming back from a different place. She avoided questioning suspects, instead putting her attention to victims, and witnesses, she was good with them, better even than she had been before. She could connect with them on a new level, and had a knack for getting them to talk and tell her what she needed to know.

For a brief period of time she put the impending trial out of her mind, she didn't want to think about it. The idea of telling her story scared her but it wasn't the thing which worried her the most. Her biggest fear was it not being enough, that she would tell her story and they would still be found not guilty. The thought of them being free terrified her.

* * *

 **AN: I've managed to get another short part together. Thanks everyone who left reviews/comments last time. If you're reading I'd love to hear from you.**


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: If you're up to this chapter thanks for reading I really would love to hear from you. I said I would finish this story and finish it I will. The end is a little more rushed than I intended but I'm finding the drive and inspiration for the story waning for me. I have other stories I'd like to write. I think there will be two more parts after this one.**

* * *

Two weeks out from the trial Erin started having nightmares and her coping strategies began to fail. Jay began finding it hard to manage too but having Erin on the verge of breaking gave him something to focus on. She tried to keep working, the distraction was good but sometimes the anxiety would boil over. She had a panic attack at her desk, another while she was talking to a witness. A week out from the trial Hank told them both to take time off until it was all over.

Erin agreed even though she didn't want to; in reality though she didn't have time for work. ADA Stone wanted to prep her for the trial, which meant going over and over what she was going to say. Stone had seen the video of her interview, he knew what happened, and he had his opinion on what parts of it were most important. He went through it over and over with her, until she could deliver the message how he wanted her to. Mentally it was exhausting; it made her feel like a wreck. Jay would try and sooth her in the evenings but he wasn't the one testifying. His testimony was deemed too risky given he didn't remember any of the events first hand. His memories were fragments mainly constructed through his dreams; he would almost certainly be pulled apart.

The night before the trial Erin paced restlessly around their apartment, while Jay cooked dinner. She was as ready as she was ever going to be. What was freaking her out was the thought it wouldn't be enough, she wanted it over and done with but not with them being free. She felt sure she'd never sleep well again if they walked free.

"It's going to be okay," Jay tried to tell her, "by the end of the week this will all be over and we can focus on the future."

"What if it's not enough?" she asked. She'd lost count of the number of times she'd asked that question.

"It will be," Jay said, though in truth he had the same fear, as much as Stone was saying the case was a sure thing, he knew better than to think that, "and if it isn't we'll deal with it. We've come this far we can keep going."

Erin nodded but she couldn't get her nerves to settle, that night neither of them slept well. In the morning Erin stood staring into her closet, Stone wanted her to wear a skirt. She'd never been a big fan of skirts but she disliked them even more now for the same reason Stone wanted her to wear one. In a skirt she couldn't hide her prosthetic, the jury would see it without it having to be directly mentioned. Reluctantly she selected a plain black skirt and paired it with a white blouse and black jacket.

…

They arrived at the court house to find Stone looking flustered. Hank was with him as well looking less relaxed than they would have liked.

"What's going on?" Erin asked feeling the anxiety she'd been containing well enough begin to surge again.

"The defence has put through motions to supress the other cases and sequester the witnesses."

"What?" Disbelief ran through Erin's body, she felt Jay reach for her hand, "can they do that?" she asked.

"They can try," Stone told them, "but I won't let them succeed."

"Why do you look so flustered then?" Jay asked.

"I always look like this at the start of trials," Stone told them but Jay and Erin both had their doubts. They didn't have time to discuss it further though, the proceedings were about to start.

…

Erin sat alone on a bench outside the courtroom. Stone had lost both motions and she wasn't allowed back in the courtroom until after she'd testified. Jay and Hank had both offered to sit with her but Stone had his reasons for wanting both of them inside. She'd told them she would be okay, and she was doing her best to stay that way. She was hunched forward with her head in her hands, breathing deeply. She wanted to trust Stone but she was beginning to have her doubts. Beside her she felt the weight of someone sit down.

"What are you doing out here?" she heard her mother's voice ask.

"Trying to stay calm," she said looking up; Bunny really was sitting next to her. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see the trial," Bunny said with a shrug, "why aren't you inside?"

"I'm not allowed in until after I testify," she said sitting up.

"Oh," Bunny said twisting her hands together, "would you like me sit with you?"

The question threw Erin; she wasn't used to her mother being nice to her. In fact it was the first time in months she'd even spoken to her, but having someone sit with her would be nice. She'd let Hank and Jay go inside because it was what Stone needed, but she was better if she wasn't alone.

"Okay," she finally nodded, "stay."

Bunny slid closer to her daughter, they sat together as the hours slowly ticked by. At first they sat in silence but gradually they started asking each other questions. Erin asked about her father, about the man who had kidnapped and tortured her. Bunny didn't remember the man, she'd been in a bad place leading up to getting pregnant with Erin. She'd come to the trial in the hope that seeing him might trigger some memory.

Gradually they both opened up to each other it was hard at first but it felt good. Erin told her mom about how scared she was of them being found not guilty; she was scared of them being out there. Bunny acted like she cared, they connected with each other. By the end of the day they'd talked more than they had in a very long time.

…

Inside the court room the trial plodded along, Stone began laying out his case; though without the New York cases his arguments weren't as strong as he'd have hoped. He kept those feelings to himself though and assured Voight, Jay and Erin, everything was going well. Erin was Stone's final witness; he wanted her testimony to be the last thing the jury would have to think about before the defence began putting on their show. For two whole days Erin sat outside the courtroom with Bunny. On day three she finally took the stand.

…

Entering the courtroom Erin felt every set of eyes turn to look at her. Stone had told her not to try and hide her limp, to accentuate it if she wanted to. She walked in normally, showing how damaged she was would help the case but she didn't want to be damaged, she wanted to be strong. She was going to need all the strength she had to get through her testimony.

…

Jay held his hand out as Erin walked past; they brushed hands, the only touch they could manage at this point. Erin's testimony was what everyone in the room had been waiting for; everything Stone had laid down was leading up to this. Everyone was finally going to hear what actually happened.

Jay sat up straight and fixed his eyes on Erin, he could see in her both fear and determination. You've got this, he mouthed to her as Stone asked his first question.

Slowly Erin began describing what had happened over those two days, she tried to keep her eyes locked on Stone but he'd told her to speak to the jury, she had no choice but to look at them, look at Jay.

Jay had told himself he was ready for whatever Erin had to say, he'd been telling himself he knew what had happened, but what he thought he knew only scratched the surface of what really happened. As Erin's story continued he felt his blood run cold, and a sickness build inside of him. It took every one of his coping strategies not to vomit.

Erin could see her story was getting to the jury, several of them looked visibly uncomfortable. She stole a glance at Jay; he was looking ill himself. She closed her eyes and tried to steady herself, but her voice was breaking and she couldn't hold back the tears. The judge asked her if she needed a break, she did need a break but she just wanted to get it finished. "No," she said, but the judge called a ten minute recess anyway. As the jury filed out and the court room emptied she stayed sitting in her seat, she felt weak at the knees and was afraid to stand. Stone had to help her out, and walk over to the bar where Hank and Jay were standing.

"Erin," Jay said holding out his arms. He didn't need to say anymore, everything he wanted to say was conveyed in the tone he said her name. She let him wrap his arms around her and silent tears ran down her face. She didn't want to cry but she couldn't hold it in.

"You need to pull yourself together," she heard Stone tell her; "we're only half way."

She didn't even acknowledge Stone with a response; she just held Jay tighter and tried to calm herself down. It was hard; she could feel Jay shaking too. By the time she took the stand again she was only slightly better. Stone kept asking her about those days, she kept describing different details. He asked if she was sure it was the defendants, she said yes. Within an hour her words were coming back to bite her. Testifying for Stone had been exhausting but the cross examination almost destroyed her. Her words were twisted, pulled apart and used against her. Stone objected as much as he could but the defence attorney was good, he found every single hole in what she'd said and used it against her.

By the time the defence attorney said he had no further questions, her voice was horse from yelling, from trying to defend herself. The judge told her she could step down but she couldn't stand, the bailiff helped her up and walked her to the bar where Hank and Jay were waiting. She didn't look at Stone, she had no words for him, instead she collapsed into Hanks arms and the judge adjourned the court for the day.

…

Jay ached for Erin with every bone in his body. It had been horrible for him to hear the words come out of her mouth. Imagining what she must be feeling was impossible. He understood better now why it had been so difficult for her, why she found it so hard to talk about. He'd feel the same way if it had been him.

…

Hank was furious at Stone, every one of his fears around Erin testifying has come to be, and worse than he'd imagined. Her testimony hadn't gone well; the defence had torn her to pieces. As he stood holding her he could feel her slowly relaxing into him and the tension leave her body. He wouldn't tell her how bad he thought it went. The trial wasn't over.

Around them the courtroom emptied. He helped Erin sit down, the look on her face said she knew how bad it had gone.

"You did good," he told her, telling her anything else would be pointless and she had done well, as well as she could have.

"It was terrible," she said before turning to Jay. "I'm sorry," she told him, "they're going to get away with it and it's all my fault."

"You don't know that," Jay tried to tell her, "it's not over, you weren't here to see everything Stone has already done."

"None of that matters," she said shaking her head. "Take me home please."

"Okay," Jay said helping her up.

As a group they walked out the courtroom together, sitting up the back waiting for them was Bunny. She met eyes with Erin and gave her a sad smile. "It's going to be alright," she told her as they walked past, "they won't get away with what they've done."

She didn't stop long enough to respond to her mom, she didn't want to go over all the reasons why it wasn't going to be alright.

…

Away from the courthouse Jay and Erin tried to talk about what had happened. Erin didn't want to talk though. For her weeks of stress had finally been released and then immediately replaced by a new kind of stress. For Jay he finally had the answers to questions he'd been asking, he needed to talk about it but Erin was closing in on him again.

"Not tonight Jay please," Erin said lying down on the sofa, "I can't talk about it anymore today."

"Tomorrow?" he asked, "I understand why you don't want to talk but you know holding it all in won't make it go away."

"I know," she said looking up at him, "just not tonight, I'm exhausted."

"Okay," Jay said running a hand through her hair, "I'll make us dinner and we cannot talk about it together."

…

For the next two days the defence put on their case. It was hard for everyone to listen to; their main point was that these people were model citizens who couldn't possibly have done what was being suggested. Without the other cases to show the pattern their argument was easy to believe.

Stone did a good job of challenging their arguments. In between sessions he kept telling them the case was still theirs. Against their better judgement they choose to believe him, they trusted him, and they knew they had the right people, surely the jury would see that too.

By the time closing arguments were finished they were beginning to think Stone really had done it. The case felt good, it was going to be over. They waited patiently at the bar across the road while the jury deliberated. Six hours later Stone's pager went off to say the jury was back.

* * *

 **AN: As always I'd love to hear from you. Sorry for rushing the end of this story.**


	22. Chapter 22

Erin took a long slow deep breath and tried to steady herself, this was supposed to be the easy part but it wasn't easy. Her hands were trembling and covered in a cold damp sweat, Jay reached over and took her left hand, his hand was sweating just like hers, and only slightly warmer.

"We've got this," he said to her, but she wasn't so sure. Stone was sure they had this, they were expecting a guilty verdict, but she wasn't so confident.

They all stood up as the judge walked into the courtroom. Hank reached over and took her other hand. "Just breath," he whispered to her. She nodded taking another long slow breath. They sat down again.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" the judge asked.

"We have your honour?" the jury foreman said.

She squeezed down hard on Hank's and Jay's hands, she told herself to breath. The defendants stood up, her father looked back at her and smiled, a shiver ran through her body, Jay lent in closer to her, she lent in against him, told herself to breathe again. She closed her eyes and listened for the words.

"…we find the defendants not guilty."

An audible gasp whipped through the courtroom. Erin felt like she'd been punched in the gut, she doubled over, she couldn't breathe. She squeezed down hard on Jay's hand. Hank let go of her other hand, he stood up started yelling at Stone.

Stone kept saying he'd appeal, that it wasn't over.

She wanted it to be over; she couldn't go through this again. Her head was spinning; her chest was screaming in pain, she couldn't get enough air. She was having a panic attack, maybe the worse one she'd ever had.

"Erin look at me," the voice talking to her was Will. He'd got up from his seat next to Jay and was kneeling down in front of her, "Erin look up."

She felt him touch the base of her chin and gently tilt her head up, tears were streaming down her face and she was quivering all over. "Breath with me," he said taking in a big long deep breath, she was too far gone to follow his instructions, the breaths she was taking were fast and shallow, "Breath with me," he said again, a voice of complete calmness in the chaos around her. He took in another big long deep breath. "Breath with me," he said this time reaching out and taking her free hand, he lifted her hand slightly as he breathed in, and lowered it again as he breathed out. "Erin look at me," he said trying to break through the uncontrollable fear running through her body, "you're safe, no one is going to hurt you." He reached for the hand holding Jay's in a vice like grip, "let go," he told her, "I've got you." She loosened her grip slightly and Jay pulled his hand free, in one motion Will took her free hand and Jay wrapped his arm all the way around her back and pulled her next to him. "Breath with me," Will said again and this time she managed to almost follow him. She could feel the fear starting to seep from her body, she was far from okay but she was getting better. Will took another deep breath and this time she felt Jay take one too, she was half a breath behind but she was getting closer.

She wasn't sure how long they sat there, her world at that moment consisted only of Jay and Will, the three of them breathing together. The courtroom emptied until the only other people in the room were Voight and Stone. Voight was challenging Stone to explain himself, to tell him how this happened. Stone said something about their whole case being circumstantial, the lack of physical evidence had been there problem and the jury had brought the defence councils argument.

Out of nowhere the sound of four gun shots echoed through the courtroom. Everybody stopped what they were doing.

"Stay here," Voight ordered before taking off at a run. Stone followed right behind him, Will, Jay and Erin all looked at each other, it wasn't in any of their natures to stand back. Will stood up first then held out his hands to help Erin and Jay up. Neither of them could run, but they began walking as fast as they could out of the court room. The corridor outside the courtroom was almost deserted, whatever had happened was outside. Still holding onto each other they walked out the front doors of the courthouse. Outside there was chaos, lots of people were yelling, men in security uniforms, as well as police were trying to get the crowd to move away but everyone was standing still. At first none of them could see what was going on, and then the crowd seemed to part and there was Voight placing a pair of hand cuffs on Bunny.

"Mom," Erin said stepping forward into the space left by the crowd. She could hear Jay and Will following her but she didn't wait for them, she just kept moving. At the front of the crowd she saw what had happened. For the second time today she was completely lost for words, but this time behind the layer or horror was a level of relief. Lying dead at the top of the steps was her father and his partner. A small gasp escaped from her mouth as Jay came up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tight, Hank was leading Bunny up the steps towards them.

"They can't hurt you anymore," Bunny said as she was lead passed them.

Erin acknowledged her mother with a simple nod, as she blinked back tears. It was over, at least for now it was over.


End file.
